crocodile farm
by Conversation Hearts
Summary: AU. Forgetting is an art. Konan's never been an artist. /Akatsukicentric./complete./being rewritten - see profile./
1. prologue: the hill i live on

**crocodile farm.**

"And I go straight, because I'm partially masochistic and entirely lonely." A different kind of high school AU. Konan-centric.

**prologue - the hill I live on.**

I sit on the corrugated rooftop and watch the town slip out of the time stream.

Small towns don't run along the same way that cities do; they dance and meander, and nothing about them makes sense. Cities are all the same. There is nothing that can be stereotyped about a small town.

I have somewhere to be, but I don't much feel like going there. No doubt, as soon as I start the car and drive to the caves, my day will become nothing more than a blur of noise and troublemaking. Friends are like that - you can do nothing but watch as they edge out ever closer to the cliff's edge, wiggling their toes on the sandstone and spitting into the water below.

My friends are just dumb enough to jump. Or slip. I can easily see them slipping, too, falling down into the endless waters - or worse, into shallow water, busting their heads open and leaving me to explain to the police that they'd chosen to ignore the warning signs.

Deidara is the most likely to do that. He's the one of us who runs in as many different circles as he can, collecting friends and acquaintances like Itachi collects sunglasses. Deidara always strives to be noticeable. Deidara strives to be the one who'll leave this place behind, the one who will manage to regale his future college roomies with stories of canoeing on the river and running through the woods, hunting deer and playing football.

He'll leave out the messy realities: marooning Tobi on a sandbar in the middle of the river, slicing his knees and legs open so badly that the teachers think he cuts himself, riding back to his house on a bloodstained four-wheeler, being the reason ambulances are always on hand for the games.

The rest of us? We won't amount to much, I don't think. Pein will continue to dream, and dream: play his guitar and convince Hidan, Sasori, and Kisame that their band will be worth something more than school dances. Itachi will tell us all that he wants to be a lawyer, and that all his Mock Trial work is practice, but then his mother will shake her head and say that the scholarships didn't come through, and he'll end up a crazy drunk in a haunted house.

They all say that I will be something, but I know better. I'm the girl, the lonely girl, and I'm nothing but a member of the FFA, a smart kid who blends back into the carpeted walls of the school. At least all of the others do _something, _in our small-town insecurity.

I sometimes dream about moving to the city; what would we be like, if we all lived in New York?

What indeed. We'd be useless, we'd be delinquents - at least here, we have excuses. We can always say that we're just dumb redneck kids, and that we weren't aware of what that flag meant, that we didn't know that the neighbors were running a meth lab.

That we didn't know that those plants we helped our parents grow were marijuana. How could we be expected to know?

But soliloquizing gets me absolutely nowhere, so I stand up and dust myself off meaninglessly, before crossing to the edge of the roof closest to the ground and jumping. When I was little, I used the grey wooden ladder, but now I'm tall enough and brave enough that I don't need it.

I really do have somewhere to be; I promised the boys that I would meet them at the caves and we could run around like idiots and take pictures. We have a lot of pictures - my favorites were taken in the middle of a cornfield, with Hidan in the background pretending to be an alien with husks for antennae.

My car waits for me in front of the house, and I don't bother to tell Mom and Dad that I'm leaving. They'll notice, when my car is gone, and they won't worry - there isn't anywhere for me to get into trouble, is there?

Wrong. I guarantee, _something _that would make their hair curl will happen on this little friendly outing. They'll never know, unless someone sees me and tells them. And god forbid that happens, because I won't see the light of day until graduation.

I jam the keys into my ignition and start the car; on the dashboard, a chip of red paint falls away from the cloud Deidara put there. Red clouds, something everyone can draw. I probably shouldn't have let the art club touch my car, but I like it better, now that it has painted pictures and words all over it. The plain whiteness of it that came before was nothing worth driving.

It won't take me long to drive to the caves; a half-hour, at most, and then I'll have to find parking amongst the tourists.

Why do they find this place beautiful?

It's boring tree after boring rock, the kind of pretty you find on a postcard.

**ooo**

The hill I live on has excellent radio reception; however, once you drive away from the gravel and hit the pavement, half of the stations disappear. Last year, I found a really good one that plays old music _and _new - The Rock 97.5, a lame name but a good station - and blessing of all blessings, it stays on even when I've lost the advantage of height.

The hill I live on is at least a mile long; sometimes when there are interesting things going on in the closest town, I walk down it and visit friends. The longest I've ever gone, round trip in a day, was close to twenty miles, and that was when Deidara, Pein, Itachi, and I walked along the road the entire way, following its every twist and turn.

The shortest, maybe two miles. Walking through the woods is sometimes riskier, but it's short. The happy medium would be walking through the neighbor's pasture, although that's a good way to get sunburned and shocked.

Don't trust a guy when he says that the fence isn't turned on. His skin is just too thick to feel the jolt of the wire. I think it's the same for the cows - that must be why they're always escaping and blocking up traffic.

Driving that distance, however, is _much much _faster than walking it. Too bad I can't make a good comparison today, because I need to go in the other direction, if I want to actually meet up with my friends at the caves.

It isn't too late to turn around, but it will be very shortly, because here comes the turn and -

And I go straight, because I'm partially masochistic and entirely lonely.

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_It's random and scattery, and it'll stay that way, most likely. I like scattery._

_They've started to bother me, high school AU stories, especially when they're about the Akatsuki. And I finally figured out why - _

_The Akatsuki is __**always **__a gang in the city, or a group of misfits in the city, or a bunch of orphans in the city._

_Have you ever read any kind of Naruto AU where they live in the country?_

_Was that AU based on cow tipping, NASCAR, and pig wrestling, or was it realistic?_

_So here we go, something I've been itching to write for a while. I know what happens for the first few chapters, and then we'll see from there. _

_If there's something a little odd you notice about this chapter, I can almost guarantee it was there for a reason._

_So. Tell me what you think. I'll warn you now - Konan is not in the best place mentally at the moment; it'll get worse before it gets better. So no, this will not be from an entirely stable point of view, nor one you can trust completely._

_As for warnings is planned to include at least one character death, swearing, a bit of violence, and alcohol. Possible self-mutilation. I have yet to decide._

_Also (and this is a long-ass author's note, I apologize), if something here looks familiar, hit me up. Ten bucks says we live close to each other. The setting, a few events, and a few OCs that appear are based heavily on my own experiences. That does not mean that any OC is going to take a very large role - they're all background characters._

_I really, really want feedback on this…so, please? Hit the button? You can even say that you want the Akatsuki to go cow tipping. _

…_you know, I don't think I'll put it in, but you can still try._


	2. chapter one: divine intervention

crocodile farm.

"**And I go straight, because I'm partially masochistic and entirely lonely." A different kind of high school AU. Konan-centric.**

**chapter one - divine intervention.**

When I finally arrive at the caves, I park my car in a spot that I know is going to get a lot of sun. There's nowhere else to park; families with small children and shiny cars that must belong to tourists have taken all of the shaded spots. However, I have one of those shiny silver reflectors for my windshield, and I make sure that it's secure before leaving the coolness of my car.

The heat is stifling; it wouldn't be nearly as bad if it weren't so _humid. _I've always hated the humidity and the heat, not to mention the feel of sun burning my skin. I prefer the rain and the thunder. When I was a child, the noise of thunder crashing above my head at night made me feel safe, for some reason. I would curl up under my blankets and fall asleep to that lullaby and the flashes of bright lightning, humming some melody that I thought went along.

It takes me barely two minutes to spot Pein waiting for me beside a picnic table. The rest of the Akatsuki is scattered around the table as well, lounging in various positions and (by the sound of it) most of them are squabbling.

Automatically pulling the hem of my shirt a little further down - I always feel as though it's riding up - I begin to make my way over to them, Pein's bright orange hair like a beacon for me to follow. He notices me when I'm halfway there and raises a hand in greeting, before turning to snap something at Tobi. The orange-hatted boy bobs his head slightly in what I can only guess is an apology, before running in my direction and flinging himself at me.

"Konan! You're finally here, you're finally here, we missed you!"

Worming my way out of the hug as quickly as possible, I finish the walk over to the others and sit on the edge of the splintering table. "Hey, guys."

They greet me with a few mutterings and even fewer genuine salutations; Deidara and Kisame are the only two who give me a smile. I think Pein attempts one, but let's face it: I'm not sure Pein's facial muscles are capable of contracting into a smile. He does get points for effort, though, so I give him a slow smile and feel just a little warmer when he nods his head.

Yes, it's a little pathetic. I'm sorry.

"Let's go already," Sasori finally says, once he's tired of the silence that's fallen over us - aside from Hidan and Kakuzu's squabbling. "I'm tired of -"

"Waiting. We know, un." Deidara chimes with a smug look on his face, earning a volley of spitting insults from the redhead.

Pein, ever the fearless leader, pulls his camera out of his pocket and snaps a quick picture of all of lazing around. I'm guessing it's a distraction. "Alright, let's go then."

We all rise, almost as one, and start making our way over to the bridge that will carry us deep down into the gorge. Is it really a gorge? Whatever it is, it is where the caves are, and where the water is, and that's where we're going to go.

As soon as we step into the shade of the trees that line the uppermost part of the caves, the temperature drops a few degrees, immediately making me more comfortable. Hidan jostles me while he's running forward to push Deidara, and completely misses the look I shoot him - they often miss the little things.

Such as what this bridge looks like. It's beautiful, all carved stone and concrete with a few wooden timbers to make sure it stays secure. Deidara hoists himself up on the carved rail - carved both by artisans and bored teenagers, I might add - and leans over as far as he can.

"Hey, Itachi, come here, un!" He shouts, much louder than necessary. Itachi is standing right beside him, Kisame at his other side, and the black-haired teen just looks at him.

"I won't risk my life just because you think the view is nice."

Deidara scoffs and raises one hand to point at the stream far below us, wobbling dangerously as he does so. "No, look - there's a pair of sunglasses, un! Don't you collect those? We could get 'em, un, and then -"

"No, Deidara," Itachi and Pein both say at the same time, in identical firm voices. Sasori tugs on the back of Deidara's shirt and sends the blonde flying to the concrete of the bridge, while the rest of us move on.

Pein falls back a bit to walk beside me, and gestures at the now-bickering artists with his camera. "Sounds like today's going to be interesting."

I shrug, my hands automatically pressing deep into the pockets of my jeans. "It's always interesting, Pein. But one of these days, it's not going to be anymore."

He just looks at me, and I wonder if idiot-male-itis has taken him over too, before he shrugs and snaps a picture of me. I don't have time to duck or even smile, and I know that it's probably going to be one of those fuck-the-world pictures.

"Konan, I think you're right."

We've finally made it across the bridge, and down the carved stairs - carved thanks to some president and the CCC, according to my history teacher - and now the most interesting thing nearby is the Devil's Bathtub.

There are legends about the Devil's Bathtub, and there are truths about the Devil's Bathtub. The legends you can probably guess for yourself. The truth is that it's made of deceptively calm water, smooth sides, and years upon years of water corroding stone. I've heard that it's anywhere between seven and twenty feet deep, even though it looks like a wading pool from right here. Once you're in, you cannot climb out - not without a rope and a few people pulling on the other end.

Some people are faux-deep like that too, you know.

All of us stand at the edge, as close as we can get without being in too much danger - all of us but Deidara and Hidan, that is, who leap over the rail and stand right at the edge - and stare down into the water, trying to make sense of it. There's some trick of the light dancing deep within it; shafts of white light fall haphazardly across the surface, and I don't see why.

Pein snaps another picture, although I'm not sure what of this time. I look at him, to ask if I can see it, but that's when I hear the splash and the scream.

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_Oooh. Cliffhanger. I like cliffhangers. Anyway, I'm updating this so fast, it hardly matters._

_CCC - Civilian Conservation Corps (I think.) It's real, look it up, the comment I made is true. This entire chapter is based HEAVILY off the caves I was in when this entire fic was inspired. And no, I do not live near these caves. They're hours from my home._

_Anyway, as to why this was inspired: I was at the information desk, getting a map, when I told the man there that the real Devil's Bathtub was (and I quote) "really freakin' cool."He agreed, but also said that two people had fallen in that very morning, and it had taken three or four park officers to get them out. It also took quite some time._

_And THEN, when I went back to the Devil's Bathtub, a woman nearly fell off a nearby cliff trying to save a pair of her daughter's sunglasses. (Which, coincidentally, I just remembered. So no, the sunglasses bit in the beginning wasn't inspired by that.)Er, now that I've bored you all with true stories…please, review. Feedback on this makes me feel warm and fuzzy._

_I'd also like to know who you think fell in, and whatcha think is going to happen to them. (I think it's fairly obvious, but then again, I know.)_

_I'm sorry. I did it again. I just love long author's notes. I think it's because I talk way too much. Right. Shutting up now._

_-- conversation hearts._


	3. chapter two: devil went down to georgia

crocodile farm.

"**And I go straight, because I'm partially masochistic and entirely lonely." A different kind of high school AU. Konan-centric.**

**chapter two - the devil went down to georgia.**

It doesn't turn to slow motion, you know.

Your stomach starts to feel horrible, as though it's jumping and falling and twisting, and your feet get so heavy that there's no way you can move. Or, at least, that was the way I reacted when I saw more than one of hands scrabbling at the edges of the Devil's Bathtub.

Pein doesn't react the same way - nobody but Tobi, Itachi, and I become incapable of movement when we hear that splash. The others hoist themselves over the fence and race to the edge of the Devil's Bathtub, desperate for something to do - but I don't think there's anything, because _oh my god, _the sides are slippery, _please Pein don't fall in._

"Where the hell are the rangers?" Pein shouts, edging closer to the bathtub than could ever be considered safe. "_Where the hell?"_

Hidan's head breaks the surface for a moment - he always was a better swimmer than Dei - and the look on his face is something I've never seen on any of my boys. I know that there's no way he can tread water for much longer, but I still can't _move. _If only one of them had fallen, then maybe we could save them - but there's two, and there's just _not enough room for them to survive._

Beside me, Tobi has sunk to the ground and pulled his hat even farther down. I can no longer see his nose. Itachi is staring blankly at the water, and he looks like he's…just completely shut down. I'm sure that there's not going to be any help from either of them when Itachi pulls a pair of sunglasses out of his pocket and begins to stare at them instead.

My feet are getting lighter - _too _light. Other people have come over now, but no one else will dare to go down there and save my friends.

Oh my god, I'm a hypocrite.

I half-stumble, half-run down beside the boys, and push Kisame out of the way. "No, move!"

He gives me an affronted look, and opens his mouth to yell, but I shake my head and pull Sasori back as well. "There are too many people down here! Somebody else is going to fall in!"

Sasori won't move, though. Kisame seems to understand what I'm saying and falls back a few feet, pulling Zetsu along with him. Sasori stays, and leans too far in, and I do the only thing I can at the moment and lock my arms around him. If he falls, I will too. Beside me, Kakuzu finally grabs hold of Hidan's hand, and starts to pull. By the look of it, Hidan isn't even conscious - which means that he isn't going to grab Deidara. Pein grabs Hidan's other arm as soon as it's close enough to him, and together they heave my religious friend up into the shallow part of the stream.

Deidara is still in there - I think people are talking, I think people are shouting and screaming and yelling, but that's when I realize something:

I don't hear a sound. I can't sense things the way I normally do. All I see is the bright red of Sasori's hair in front of me, and all I feel is the material of his shirt against my arms, and the pulling as he tries and tries to reach Deidara, tries and risks himself with every motion.

This is when I black out completely, the way you might when you've drunk too much, and although I know that I still moved and spoke, I cannot remember any of it.

**xxx**

The next thing I know, I am sitting in an office that is far too air-conditioned, with all of my friends sitting around me. For a moment, I don't remember what happened - that is, until I realize that I don't see Deidara, and Hidan is lying on one of those hospital cots. He looks even paler than usual, a deathly color that makes me wonder if he's alive, and his eyes are closed.

Kakuzu sits beside him and stares. Sasori sits on his other side, curled up into a ball and refusing to look at anyone. I look around the room and realize that it's the same for everyone. No one but me moves. No one but me breathes, it seems. Itachi is still staring at his sunglasses. Tobi is standing stock still against a wall. Pein is sitting beside me with the camera in his lap. Kisame stands beside Itachi with his hand on the shorter boy's shoulder. Zetsu, as always, blends into the background.

There's also a ranger, by the look of his brown uniform, standing in front of Hidan and staring around at all of us. The air twists and shimmers around him when he clears his throat. Nobody moves.

"Why did they jump over the rail?"

Pein looks up, and I know that he feels that it is his responsibility to answer. He always takes too much responsibility on, and it'll break him before he's old. "Because they did. Did they need a reason?"

The ranger glares at him, tapping his fingers on a clipboard in his hands. Why do the authority figures always have a clipboard? Is there anything on it, or is it just to flaunt their authority? "Yes, they did. Those rails were there for a reason - a reason that they disregarded. I'm sorry that your friend is dead, but this is not the responsibility of the park. When this one wakes up, the police will contact your families."

With that, the man who obviously doesn't understand what has really happened leaves, and we all fall down, like the children's song. Just…we fall down without moving.

Sasori is now trembling violently, and I can't look at him. If I look at him, it's true that his best friend is dead, and that's why there's no blonde in this room. If I look at anyone, it just becomes too true, so I pull my legs up against my chest and try to stave off the cold.

I remember the reflector in my windshield and wish I hadn't put it there. My parents will not come to pick me up, and I'll be driving that car home. It'll still be hot, but it won't be hot enough. This room has managed to change my entire perspective on temperature, and I want heat, and this is all just a pathetic way to avoid facing life, isn't it?Or, rather, lack of life.

Pein drops the camera to the floor, where the lens shatters and my thoughts go with it. There's nothing else to do, so I lean my head against his shoulder and pass the wetness in my eyes off as a result of the cold.

I feel numb, and the only reason I know that he puts his arms around my shoulders is that I see him move.

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_Look, it's the emo parade! *shot*_

_Er. Not particularly proud of this one, but I'll post it anyway, because I tend to despise things about my own writing that other people like. So yeah, maybe it sucks as hard as I think it does, and maybe it doesn't. A mystery. Well, not for long. Feel free to criticize, flame, whatever - I expect it on this chapter, and quite frankly, if I get enough concrete ideas and help, I'll most likely rewrite. (Not rewrite plot points, mind you.)_

_Which brings me to the other comment - if anyone's interested in beta'ing, shoot me a line. Or a review. Or a PM. Just, you know, contact me. _

_Aaaah…not much to say on this. Originally, only Deidara was going to fall in, but that didn't work for me. For multiple reasons. Yeeeah._

_Oh, right! Forgot to mention this in the last chapter - that titled was yoinked from the song "Divine Intervention." There are two different songs by that name that I listen to frequently, by Autopilot Off and Taking Back Sunday. The songs don't have much bearing on the chapter itself._

_Same here, but if you don't know what I yoinked this from, there's no hope for you._

_So, while this is still a long-ass author's note, it's nowhere near as long as the others. (I think the chapters are getting a little shorter, too, but I'm keeping them around the same length. You can request longer chapters, but I'll probably pointedly ignore you. I write however much I want to, thanks.)_

_I'm going to go have a life instead of type up a chapter, now._

_Shit. This might have turned out to be a longer author's note than the others._

_I've got to stop this madness._

_-- conversation hearts, queen of the crocodiles and those with low self-esteem. __J_


	4. chapter three: the truth about heaven

crocodile farm.

"**And I go straight, because I'm partially masochistic and entirely lonely." A different kind of high school AU. Konan-centric.**

**chapter three - the truth about heaven.**

Although when _it _happened, everything was slow and unreal, now everything goes by quickly and blurred.

My parents, just as I thought, talk to me on the phone and tell me to _please drive home carefully, they're so sorry_. Everyone else's but Sasori's and Itachi's come get them. I offer the two of them rides, despite the fact that they have their own cars, but they don't come with me.

You know, I've never seen either of their families. I don't even know where they live - and that's not so incredibly strange, because there are more interesting places to be than houses way out in the boondocks - but I can't help but wonder why that is.

Did Deidara know these things about Sasori that I'll probably never know?

Thinking about Deidara at all - _pranks, blonde hair, and sunshine - _hurts, though, so I try to block him out. I can't imagine what Hidan is going through - he woke up ready to laugh with Deidara over yet another death-defying moment conquered. His _face, _when we told him what had really gone on…Deidara just wasn't able to keep on defying gravity this time.

_They'll never get to laugh over those again… _And again, it sends a sort of shooting pain through my head and chest to think about what I've just seen, so I block it out and grip my steering wheel just that much more tightly. The road I'm driving is as familiar as it will ever be - I don't ever want to come back to these goddamn caves.

We didn't even make it all the way to the caves. I don't think we'd been there fifteen minutes…

A squirrel darts across the road in front of me, and I swerve too hard, my tires sliding off the edge of the road for a second, and the entire thing makes my heart beat louder than ever before. I'm on edge, just as my car is, and the noise of my own heartbeat echoing in my ears is not helping matters.

I've never had somebody close to me die before. I went to the funeral of a friend's grandfather, years and years, ago, but -

Funeral.

Easing my heartbeat back down and letting my foot slip a bit off the gas, I can't help but think that the things running through my head are disloyal and insensitive. That doesn't change their truth.

I don't want to go to the funeral.

Some people go to them for closure - I know that. But the thing is, I don't think I need closure. I saw it happen (I'm pretty sure; I still can't remember if I did) and I know that he's never going home. So, in actuality, I don't need to go to the funeral…

Funerals hurt. Funerals are family and some friends, and open caskets and pale faces covered with makeup. I don't want to see Deidara in a casket. I don't want to see his mom crying or his dad staring blankly, like we were earlier. It was bad enough to see my friends (_and his)_ looking like that; I don't think I could handle seeing his family. You know what?

I _know _I can't handle that.

But I also know that I can't really skip the funeral. It would be…wrong, and I would feel guilt for the rest of my life. That would be worse than going, I think…

In all my thinking, I have barely concentrated on the road. It doesn't matter anymore, as I've just pulled into the driveway of our old white house, but it scares me. I can't focus on anything right now. I just _can't._

It takes me ten minutes to get out of the car, dodge my parent's apologetic looks and sympathetic words, and retreat into my bedroom.

They say that blue is a calming color. I've always loved it, and my walls are painted a beautiful, light blue that was mixed specially for me. The floors are a black carpet, and not at all fluffy, and right now, not at all calming.

_Was the water black?_

No. Not black like my futon or black like my floors.

I collapse onto that futon and fall asleep within seconds, and no one can convince me to rise for the next forty-two hours.

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_I know that this is terribly, terribly short, but quite frankly, I despise this chapter and wanted it over with. The next chapter will probably be a bit on the long side, just as an apology._

_From now on, you can probably expect one update per week, possibly more on the weekends. If all of the chapters are as difficult to write as this, they might take longer._

_As for other things I needed to put out there - _

_First off, for some reason, there's a religion/spiritual/song title theme in the chapter titles. I have no clue why. I'm atheist/agnostic. I think I just like it._

_Secondly, I haven't mentioned pairings at all, have I? There will be hints of PeinKonan, KakuHida, SasoDei, and KisaIta, but nothing large, and all but the PeinKonan is easily ignored. This isn't a romance, and half of those are subject to change if I feel like it. (whichmeanstheremightbeItaDeimentions.)_

_Third, this is the chapter that cemented Sasori's story for me. I know things, man. I knooow things. And that would be the ONE THING about this chapter that I adore, that little fact that it made me do horrible things to Sasori's past and present. XD_

_-- conversation hearts._

_(Don't bother bitching about the length, if you review. I'm perfectly aware that this is about 500 words short of what it SHOULD be. You don't need to tell me.)_


	5. chapter four: crying in the chapel

**crocodile farm.**

"And I drive straight, because I'm partially masochistic and entirely lonely." A different kind of high school AU. Konan-centric.

_Author's Note - Just thought I'd point out that there's a time skip here. Well, only one or two days, seeing as Konan was passed out in bed for two days in the last chapter. Anyway. Didn't want to confuse anyone. Usual long-ass author's note at the bottom, loves._

**chapter four - crying in the chapel.**

Tomorrow, I have to go to school. Today, I have to go to a funeral.

Mom didn't want to buy me anything new for the funeral - although she feels terrible, and I think even _she's _cried over this, she's frugal as ever. Instead, I'm wearing my only pair of black skinnies without holes in them, and a zipped-up black jacket over a grey undershirt. I know that once I arrive at the graveyard, I'll feel underdressed. I don't care right now.

I could have gone to the viewing, but I didn't want to. In my opinion, viewings are twice as bad as funerals, if only because they last longer. Too many emotions swirling around for far too long.

My parents are not going with me to the funeral. They offered to come along, although I'm sure Dad only did it for solidarity, but I don't want that either. I'm proud of not having cried in front of my parents for damn near ten years. That's not a streak I want to break any time soon.

My car sputters to life, and for a moment, I am both afraid and hopeful that it will die and leave me without transportation. However, it does not die, and I slowly drive down that hill, trying not to focus on what I am about to do.

The only reason I'm going is Pein. Pein came over two days ago and basically dragged me out of bed, all to inform me that we were going to the funeral together.

I could have smacked him, had I not been wallowing in self-pity and starving. His idea of a date is going to our best friend's _funeral. _But, I could see what he was thinking - maybe, if we stuck together, it wouldn't be so bad.

And anyway, he was adding double meanings to "stood up," just in case I skipped out on the funeral. Or at least, he claimed he was. That didn't quite make sense to me, but then again, not a lot of the things Pein does make sense to me. He's a psychosis wrapped in an adorable wrapped in a something.

Today is not a day for catchy sayings.

The local funeral home is just that - somebody's home from however-long ago, with white siding and a wheelchair ramp. I hold my breath and then let it out slowly as I try to find a parking space; finally, across the street, I notice Itachi's Cougar-or-whatever. He saved up for that thing for over a year, and he's so proud of it…

I pull in beside it, my dingy old car next to his pretty-if-secondhand something-car, and can't force myself to get out until Kakuzu and Hidan walk up and start to tap on the glass. I'm not an animal in a cage, am I? Maybe. Maybe I am, right now.

Whatever I am, I have opposable thumbs, and I use them to open and lock the car door. Hidan doesn't look good at all: paler than even his usual white pallor, in nice clothing for once and without his hair slicked back. There are bags around his eyes to rival Itachi's, and I almost pull him into a hug. Almost.

Kakuzu seems to be doing that for me, however - at least, hugging Hidan in as small a manner as possible. I suppose that's what you could call the lack of space between their arms, the fact that Kakuzu seems to keep bumping gently into Hidan's side. It's a hug for the un-hugable.

Kakuzu, of course, looks the same as ever, although I notice that he keeps brushing his hand over the scars that line his face. He stopped doing not too long after his own accident, nearly six years ago. Deidara's - what happened to Deidara (_and Hidan, him too)_ - can't have started Kakuzu in on the habit again, can it?

Maybe it can - maybe this thing, this accident, this _toomuchrightnow _has the power to turn me into an animal, make Kakuzu remember things he'd managed to forget, and make Hidan…Hidan…something. Too much thinking, too much thinking.

"Hello, Konan." Kakuzu speaks softly, and Hidan doesn't make a sound - or eye contact.

I nod my head slightly, and Kakuzu seems satisfied. That works as a greeting. It's as though I'm still behind the wheel of my car, and Kakuzu is behind the wheel of another. (_But Kakuzu no longer drives, does he?)_

"Everyone else got here before you," He says, once again quietly. I don't think he means to sound accusatory, but a hint of that cold _they care more, don't they _creeps into the words anyway. "Except for Sasori. He - still isn't here yet…"

"What?" Sasori's not here? That's not possible. Sasori cared the most, Sasori wouldn't skip this for anything, Sasori should be here. He's just late, of course. But…that can't be right either.

Sasori hates waiting, and he hates making others wait even more.

Kakuzu meets my eyes and shrugs slightly, before grabbing hold of my hand and Hidan's elbow simultaneously. "Come on, you two. We have calling hours to attend."

The three of us walk together, linked through at least some skin contact, and we take it slowly. Walking too fast towards this is something Deidara would have done. By now, he would be jogging, or running outright: turning cartwheels up the wheelchair ramp, sliding up and down the railings, greeting everyone he met and getting in trouble.

It's too soon to try and do that, for any of us. I would assume that even Tobi is reined in. I haven't seen him since it happened - haven't seen him or Itachi, or anyone but Pein since that day. Not since Deidara and Hidan fell and everyone but Tobi, Itachi, and I panicked.

Ever since the day I stood by and did nothing, not until I mentally shot myself in the thigh.

That feels like shit, and as I walk towards the wooden door of the funeral home with my friends, I can't help but wonder how the two boys who did absolutely nothing feel.

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_You know, this was originallly supposed to include the actual funeral, but that just didn't happen. Next chapter might, or I may end up skipping it - either way. _

_Fun fact: writing the last bit while listening to "We Walk" by The Ting Tings was HARD. XD But I'm pretty sure that influenced it. Silly Ting Tings._

_Alright, I'll keep this author's note pretty short. Please go check out my profile, there's a "crocodile farm" poll there. It's mostly because I realized that "crocodile farm" seems to be the most random title around. Booooyah._

_Well, dearies, I think that's it - oh, wait! _

_Title taken from "Crying in the Chapel" by Elvis Presley. _

_Also, mini-poll that I'd prefer was answered in a poll: (I apologize if I've already asked this.)Are you familiar with the tokubetsu jounin characters in Naruto? I.e., Genma Shiranui, Raidou Namiashi, Hayate Gekkou, etc. Also, the chunins and ANBU-chick - Kotetsu Hagane, Izumo Kamizuki, and Yuugao Uzuki?_

_-- conversation hearts_


	6. chapter five: concrete angel

**crocodile farm.**

"And I drive straight, because I'm partially masochistic and entirely lonely." A different kind of high school AU. Konan-centric.

**chapter five - concrete angel.**

The funeral home is too cold. Beside me, Hidan shivers ever-so-slightly, and Kakuzu's muscles tense in what I think is a cold chill.

People stand all around me, dressed in blacks and greys, talking quietly. A few small children run through everyone's legs, despite harsh words from their parents, and I can't help but smile slightly - they're too young to be here, and they don't understand, so they're making the best of it, I guess. Their parents should let them go, but I'm certain that they'll be corralled soon.

Deidara's parents are standing on the other side of the room, close to the casket, but one look at Hidan tells me it's probably not a good idea to go over there just yet. Instead, I glance around until I spot somebody (_anybody) _we know who isn't a member of Dei's family. It's just my luck that I happen to notice Itachi and Tobi standing in a corner by themselves; even though it doesn't feel quite right either, I lead Hidan and Kakuzu over to them.

Itachi has always been quiet; too quiet, and too secretive, and just enough of both that he can drive even me insane. Right now, he's the embodiment of silence, and I don't even know if he's watching me. A pair of sunglasses that feels familiar is resting over his eyes, but I know that it's not from his collection. At least, I don't recall Itachi owning a pair of gold-rimmed sunglasses…

Kakuzu's voice cracks, and the harshness I'm not used to _(at least, coming from him) _grates enough to bring me to reality. "You're wearing gold sunglasses to a funeral? God, Itachi…"

Tobi, who has his normal orange hat on, slides his foot out and kicks Kakuzu gently on the toe. "Shh, 'Kuzu. We all do things."

Hidan makes some sort of strangled sound, the kind that rises deep from your throat and your heart, but Kakuzu just snorts softly. If I make any kind of noise in response - not likely, because I don't know what my response is or even what Tobi meant - it isn't loud enough for even me to hear. Does that mean that I didn't make a noise? I'm not sure.

"Guys."

Pein's voice comes from somewhere behind me, and I tilt my head slightly to look for him. His clothes are dressier than mine, but with a kind of rumpled state to them that makes me think more _young college professor _than _teenage boy at a funeral. _After flashing me an approximation of a smile, or possibly a wince, he steps up and closes our circle, double-taking on Itachi's glasses.

"Itachi…" He begins slowly, fingering something in his pocket. "Are those from…?"

My dark-haired friend nods hesitantly, his hands burrowing deeper and deeper into his own pocket. "Yes."

"When did you…?" Pein sounds bewildered, and gives Tobi, Hidan, Kakuzu, and I quick glances. I'm relatively sure that he's checking to see whether or not we've figured out what all those trailed sentences mean, and I'm also relatively sure that I'm not the only one who's clueless.

Itachi shrugs infinitesimally, a slender finger coming up to touch those gold edges. "Yesterday…Raidou was out of the house for a few hours, and I couldn't…"

For Itachi, this is a Nobel Peace Prize speech, and I'm still left mystified. Judging by the arched eyebrow and silently mouthed words (_because he's forgotten again that I can't read lips) _Kakuzu is shooting me, he's in the same boat.

Pein doesn't seem to notice the exchange between Kakuzu and I, and gives Itachi a short nod. "I get it. Not a bad idea."

Tobi has finally had enough of the mysteries and half-finished sentences, and tilts his head towards the casket in the corner. "Guys…I think it's almost time to go. Is anyone going to…go…see?"

Bright little Tobi's voice wavers at the end of his question, and he tugs the hat even more firmly over his eyes. Kakuzu, Pein and I quickly speak in the affirmative, and Itachi and Tobi both state that they've already gone over.

By the time I realize that Hidan has disappeared, the rest of us have all seen the body and we're standing on top of a hill, watching a religious man of some sort speak the last words ever to be said over Deidara.

Tobi's hat is still pulled down far too low over his face.

I'm still freezing, although it's nearing eighty out here.

Kakuzu is standing quietly and calmly, his eyes focused on a grave that is not our blonde's.

Pein is watching the casket, his left hand still deep in his pocket.

And Itachi has his sunglasses over his eyes, so I don't know what he's looking at.

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_Yikes. I don't like this chapter very much, but it's one that I just had to get __**done. **_

_The only thing I particularly like about this is the fact that it brings up a couple little plot points (actually, more than a couple, it's actually closer to four or five). Crocfarm oneshots to anyone who can figure out any of them - as in, tell me what the hell I was thinking about. XD (This is also shameless begging for requests, because I'm in a teensybitofwriter'sblockfunk and I need inspiration.)_

_Next chapter should start our lovelies off at school, where much chaos will ensue. Hopefully it'll have a bit more humor, because writing all this angst is going to cramp my style. _

_This chapter was probably much too short; again, I apologize, but writing this chapter was pretty much agony._

_I feel like there was more I had to say…oh yeah._

_Updates will be coming will less frequency than they did when this was first posted; I'm doing Mock Trial, a play, plenty of honors classes, and I'm active in my school's art club - i.e., not a whole lot of time after school. If I'm not after school to rehearse, I'm going to be after school to learn the intricacies of lawyerdom or something._

_However, crocfarm is nowhere near dead. ;) I gots plans, keeds. _

_Also - the results of the poll still aren't ceasing to amuse me. As I'm changing it directly after posting this, I'll just let you kids know --_

_As of right now, _**you were wrong.**

--_ conversacion corazones, whose computer cannot insert accents._


	7. chapter six: angels on the moon

**crocodile farm.**

And the island of misfit toys grows ever smaller. AU.

_Author's Note: BrandNewOrange, here's to you. XD Explanations! Well, sort of._

**chapter six - angels on the moon.**

I strongly dislike the bus.

Because of that, I should probably drive to school on my own, but it's much easier to just wake up a bit earlier and jump on the public transport. I don't mind the jostling all that much, or even the suspicious smells - it's the fact that everyone else is _so sure of themselves _and so _loud _about it. Especially the middle schoolers who ride along with us: they think they're god's gift to public school, and they're not afraid to let you know it.

It also doesn't help that nobody I know very well rides my bus…not anymore. That slightly-smaller-than-usual seat in the very back was Deidara's, and it's where he would either sleep every morning or experiment with tossing other people's belongings out the window.

The worst part is that now, a cocky freshman sits there, and he knows exactly who used to own that seat. He won't stop talking about it - about _him._

"Heard he fell into the Devil's Bathtub!" I hear him half-growl with excitement to his friends, brown hair flying all around his face in the open window's breeze. The rest of the freshman core is crowded around him in a little circle, almost like he's their little pack leader. "Who makes a stupid move like _that?"_

"Fuckin' dumb way to go, yeah."

The _yeah _at the end jolts me, as does the head of blonde hair it came from - blue eyes - what the hell…? But no, it's another freshman, with whisker marks - _whisker marks? -_ adorning his cheeks and hair far too short to be Dei.

A pink-haired girl - silently, I give her a nod of approval - glances at me and lowers her voice, presumably so that I can't hear her. It doesn't quite work. "Guys! That's somebody's _son _you're talking about. And - well - _somebody's friend, _maybe?" She shoots another glance my way, but the two loudmouths hardly notice.

"Sakura, it was a dumb way to die. Imma go out all…gory --"

"Glory!"

" -- gory, glory, whatever. That's how I wanna go." The brunette finishes with a satisfied smirk, completely unaware of the girl's renewed attempts to shut him up.

The bus can't rumble to a stop fast enough, and I'm in the aisleway and down the stairs before the three of them have stopped chattering away. A crush of people waits for me on the sidewalk and I do my level best not to touch anybody, pulling the hem of my shirt down as I go.

"Konan, I promise you, it looks fine."_Kisame. _He walks up beside me with a feral grin plastered across his lips, and his backpack slung cavalierly over one shoulder. "I'd even pinky swear, if you asked nicely.""What? Oh - my - whatever. My shirt, yeah, stop grinning. Where were you yesterday?" I didn't process until that night that I hadn't seen Kisame at all - Kisame, Sasori, and Zetsu, all of them conspicuously absent from the funeral and bound to get hell from the rest of us today.

Kisame arches a dark blue eyebrow at me, before bumping his backpack higher onto his shoulder. His grin falters into slightly pursed lips, and he nearly misses the first step up to the door. "The funeral. I…shit, Konan. I couldn't go.""Why not?" I demand, already pissed from the freshmen on the bus. Today is not shaping up to be good. Today is going to end very, very badly, and I haven't snapped at somebody like this for years. _Animalistic again._

It pleases me more than it should to see him squirm. "I couldn't make myself do it, Konan! I'm sorry. I can't do funerals. I didn't go to my mom's, and...hell, it would've been disrespectful of _her _memory to go and honor _Deidara's. _I don't…it doesn't…Sorry."

"Kisame…everyone else went." I bite off the end of the lie and wince at the sudden sharpness. I'd forgotten that out of my friends, I'm one of the very few with a particularly nuclear or stable home life. I'd also forgotten about the fact that Kisame was halfway across the country when his mom died, and I even found out before he did.

"Fuckin' good for them," he mumbles, holding the door to the school open for me. I walk through and don't look him in the eye. "I couldn't. If that doesn't work for you, go bitch to someone else."

And with that lovely statement - one I've never heard falling from those particular lips before - he darts into his homeroom without a glance back at me, leaving me all alone within the sea of people once more.

Although I stand there, motionless and soundless, for nearly ten more minutes, nobody else I know passes by - or at least, nobody else I know says anything to me. The warning bell ringing is what manages to remind me that I have places I really need to be, and it's also what motivates me to hustle on over to my homeroom.

Once I get through the door, I take that instant-stock of the room that's absolutely necessary at the beginning of each new class. Assigned seats, and I'm the second to last one here. Itachi is sitting in the front row, gold-rimmed sunglasses perched atop his head, and Sasori is in the third row back, his head buried under the hood of his jacket.

My seat is right in the center of the room, behind the absent person's desk; I slide into it just as the bell rings and Ms. Mitarashi, unsurprisingly, springs forward from the closet she was hiding in, a grin to rival the Kisame of earlier's slapped across her wild face.

"Alright, maggots, welcome to your first day with…" A dramatic pause that none of us pay much attention to. "…Me!"

After she begins to call roll, assigning each of us somewhat derogatory nicknames, I realize that I wasn't the second to last to get to the classroom: I was last.

That empty seat right in front of me would have belonged to Deidara.

Fuck.

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…_see, didn't that take a long time to update? XD_

_While Kisame's story of why-he-missed-out may seem unrealistic, let me share my own --_

_I had a friend, who we'll just refer to as Jill, because I have no doubt she'd internet-stalk me if I typed her real name. I'll fully admit she was a bitch, but that doesn't have bearing on this story. In fourth grade, I visited her father's house - just once. I didn't find out until later that he was a drug addict. He seemed like a nice enough guy, and that was the only time I ever met the man._

_Three years later, Jill had moved to Oregon with her mother and stepfather. Her father stayed in the same city I live in. One day, a mutual acquaintance came in, informed me that Jill's father had an aneurysm and died, and asked me to please not send my condolences, because Jill didn't know yet._

_Jill did not find out until after the funeral, and she did not attend her father's funeral, despite her obvious wishes to._

_yay, the end, roll credits._

_XD We probably wouldn't have heard this story if BrandNewOrange hadn't pointed out that Kisame wasn't present at the funeral. Idiot author really shouldn't be working with so many characters, because her favorites are bound to show up the most, while the others…kind of vanish._

_So, I apologize._

_Story is still moving slowly, aaagh._

_Guess it can't be helped._

_-- ch_


	8. chapter seven: bless the broken road

**crocodile farm.**

And the island of misfit toys grows ever smaller. AU.

**chapter seven - bless the broken road.**

After twenty minutes of shouting and oddly sadistic threats, Ms. Mitarashi allows us to talk amongst ourselves for the next forty minutes of homeroom we'll have today. On her way to her desk, she saunters past me and tells me to "chin up, Beetle." I don't bother to tell her I have no idea what that means.

Everyone shifts around, and Itachi and I both make our way over to Sasori. Itachi stands passively beside the redhead's desk, while I slide onto the edge of his seat. "Scoot, 'Sori. You awake?"

"Mm," he mumbles, barely lifting his head. He does inch over to give me more room, though. "I am awake."

"Are you alright?" Itachi asks softly, tilting his head forward ever so slightly. The sunglasses fall over his eyes perfectly - _where have I seen those before?_

Sasori lets his head fall back onto his arms and doesn't answer us. Across the room, Ms. Mitarashi begins crowing to a pair named Izumo and Kotetsu - something about anacondas and "too damned adorable." I don't think I want to know, judging by the fear creeping into their eyes. I _do _want to know what Sasori has to say, though.

"Hey, 'Sori…where were you yesterday?" Kisame's already pissed at me because of the funeral. Why not add one more to the mix? Maybe if I'm _really _lucky, Zetsu's going to end up getting offended or something too. All three of them usually don't like being questioned about their motives.

That gets Sasori to lift his head completely off his arms, but I still can't see his eyes. The hood of his jacket is concealing them completely. "I was…I was on my way, and the car broke down…I couldn't fix it, and I couldn't call a tow, so…I had to wait until Grandma could get ahold of Gaara, and…"

He stops talking, and his head flops down again. Itachi pushes his sunglasses back up to the top of his head and leans his elbows on the desk. Those dark eyes are narrowed, and I can tell that he's thinking hard about something - something that's bothering him. Itachi Uchiha does not fidget.

"Sasori, you could have called me, I would have -"

"Don't bother, Uchiha," the mumble comes out from Sasori's hood. "I - you were already there, and anyway…you're not better off."

This is starting to irritate me - does _everyone _have secrets I don't know about? What does this whole "better off" bit mean? The guys are managing to make me feel like I'm not even a member of whatever…we are, and that's not a good thing.

Feeling like nobody's actually your friend…I can't imagine what that would feel like. I'm glad that I've never really been through it, and I'm glad nobody else I know has. Unless…nah. Nobody's that lonely, even if we did just lose our sunlight.

"Sasori, you still haven't told us if you're alright," Itachi says smoothly, his fingers lightly drumming on the desktop.

"_Stop _that," Sasori murmurs, flicking at the offending digits. "And of course I'm not alright; I didn't think you were that much of an idiot, Itachi. Konan, move over a little. Your ass is taking up most of this seat."

You know, I should probably be offended.

I'm not. I scoot over as he demanded, resisting the urge to let my own fingers tap against the desk. "Are you _gonna _be alright?"

"Are _you?_" He shoots back. I flip my hands up into the universal sign for surrender and let my head take up the space his was previously. Sasori's like this sometimes, and I don't know what sets him off. Itachi's just watching us again, and I get the feeling he knows precisely what's going on.

Itachi _always _knows what's going on. So does Pein.

"Hey, Uchiha!"

All three of us glance over at Ms. Mitarashi, who has apparently released Izumo and Kotetsu from her clutches. She's gesturing wildly at Itachi to come over to where she leans against the wall, the cheap plastic phones the school uses for "delicate situations" in her hands. "C'mere, Spider."

Itachi strides over to her without sparing a glance for Sasori and I, his sunglasses once more slipping over his face.

From this distance, I can't hear their conversation - Ms. Mitarashi is talking in hushed tones, and I'm sure it's the only time I'll ever witness _that - _and judging by Sasori's narrowed eyes, he can't either. After a few seconds, Itachi gingerly takes the phone from Ms. Mitarashi and holds it near his ear, his face turned away from us.

"Do you know what's going on?" I ask mildly, poking Sasori in the side.

"No." He replies succinctly, leaning his head on one hand. "I may have an idea, but you'll have to ask him yourself."

I don't like these secrets. Why do we still have secrets?

"Kisame's mad at me," I offer up, wondering if that qualifies as a secret, exactly. Sasori just stares at me, before letting out a huff of _something _and closing his eyes. I'm apparently not going to get a response.

If it were Deidara, he'd be on a rant by - _no._

No. I will _not _think that phrase again. No more "if it were…" No more "ifs." It hasn't been long - god, I know it hasn't been long enough for everything to be okay - but if (_fuck) _I don't make an attempt to bring normalcy back, who the hell will? Fearless leader Pein isn't speaking to the rest of us as much as he used to; Itachi, Sasori, and Hidan are being pretty much _silent, _and everyone else has their hackles raised up like an angry dog.

I don't want things to be like this; I want things to be _normal. _I want to _forget. _It's so much easier to just _forget_ that Deidara was around, forget that I lost one of the best friends I'll ever have.

So, so much easier.

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_If the second half of this is…odd, blame the fact that I skipped school today due to my yearly awful cough, a possible ear infection, recurring headaches, fatigue, and a complete lack of ability to concentrate. …on that note, anyone know the correct Spanish phrase to use for "for her?" I should know. I really should. But I can't focus enough to remember._

_Raidou, Anko, Izumo, Kotetsu, etc., are indeed all canon characters. I played with age. (Well, obviously, as all of the Akatsuki being teenagers at the same time is impossible canonically, but I also played with the ages of the others.)_

_I promise you, Zetsu eventually shows up. With explanations to boot._

_If I screw up the average American school system, scream at me in a comment. While I do in fact go to an American high school (Appalachia, wooo!), it's also a high school that's run very differently from others in the country. So if, oh, I don't know…Konan starts attending only four classes per day and heads off to advisory every morning, inform me that I'm _**wrong. **XD

_Oh! Please also tell me if my spacing, etc. looks wonky. FF loves to fuck with me._

_I'm playing with the idea of changing the narrator soon. _

_Uggggh. I don't know how to feel about this chapter. It's not as forced as the others, at least. 8D But it is a tad shorter than usual (I write obscenely short chapters, and I don't think I can fix it, but still) because I really, really wanted to just get it up._

_Er._

_-- conversation hearts._


	9. chapter eight: god must hate me

**crocodile farm.**

And the island of misfit toys grows ever smaller. AU.

**chapter eight - god must hate me.**

Oh no. Oh, _no._

There are freshmen in my Ag class, and one with pink hair just flashed me a smile…from her seat between a too-familiar blonde and a too-obnoxious brunette. This is most certainly _not _aiding in my forgetting, and I know Mr. Umino well enough to be sure of one thing: his actions are not going to be conducive to forgetting either.

This is my third period. So far, all of my teachers - Mitarashi, Gekkou, Hatake, Sarutobi - have either barely mentioned Deidara, or completely ignored the fact that he's dead. I think some people were offended; I was grateful. But Mr. Umino is a young teacher, and he's so sweet - he's never going to be able to let the death of one of his students go unspoken of.

I sink a little lower into my chair and wish I'd worn a hoodie. No wonder Sasori's so fond of the goddamn things - people are staring, and the brunette (wish I knew his _name_...for that matter, any of their names)is shouting about something or other. Hidan is in this class too, sitting beside me and swearing fluently at Kotetsu Hagane. Something about a pencil; Hidan looks tired and Kotetsu just looks bored. Those aren't your typical argument faces...

The room smells like paint. I blame the suspiciously new-looking FFA symbol on the wall and press my hand against my nose. The other hand goes against one of my ears; Hidan, Kotetsu, and the brunette freshman all shouting at the same time is going to make my ears bleed, I'm sure of it.

"The bell has rung!" Mr. Umino adds his voice to the mix, a voice loud enough to overpower everybody else's. A slightly smug look flitters over that face before he settles back down into a more teacher-ly stance. Everyone quiets down, and Hidan, without the distraction of an argument, lets his head rest against the wall. I'm pretty sure his eyes are closed.

"As I'm sure you're all aware, a student at this school has recently passed away - he would have been a junior this year. Deidara Narita."

_Please don't do this, Umino._

Hidan's eyes snap open - why the _hell _am I spending so much time looking at him, Mr. Umino's going to notice and chew me out for not paying attention - and narrow, ever so slightly, at the teacher. His fingers, albino-pale but not as pallid as his face, creep up to the necklace always hanging around his neck. That symbol of…oh, shit. He told me once, a while ago, what that symbol meant, but I've already forgotten. Come to think of it, it was shortly before that day at the caves…

"The principal has asked me to pass on this message: anyone in need of counseling - for this or _any other matter,_" here he pauses and gives a few students in the room dark looks, "should know that Ibiki Morino, our new guidance counselor, will always have his door open to you."

That wasn't as bad as I'd imagined.

A blonde in the front row - with a ponytail to boot, _what the hell…? - _lets her head hit the desk almost as soon as this is uttered, and the pink-haired freshman reaches out a tentative hand to rest on her back. The other freshman, oddly enough, don't dissolve into the whispers I'd expected of them. The rest of us, just as I had expected, know precisely when to keep our mouths shut. Or, well, _almost _all of us.

Somebody's hand shoots up; he's got bandages wrapped around most of his head. I don't think his eyes are even visible, and that gives me pause, but only for a second. Maybe he was in an accident or something; I'm really not one to judge him. For all I know, it could be some weird religious thing. "Sir, what happened to the last guidance counselor. Yamanaka, or whatever?"

Mr. Umino's calm falters. "Well - Tonbo - he…Mr. Yamanaka has other priorities he must attend to right now. I'm afraid he's taking a bit of a sabbatical; he may or may not return next year."

I didn't know Mr. Yamanaka well; the extent of our interaction was usually when I or someone else mistook him for Deidara. What is it with the blue-eyed blondes? Before now, I hadn't even realized how many attended or worked at our school…and their number is one fewer now.

Hidan's the one who brings me out of that little train of thought with a sharp poke in the side - with a pencil it looks like he just sharpened.

"Fuck, Hidan!" I hiss, my fingers flitting away from my nose and to my side. The smell of paint overwhelms me again, and I can already feel the headache coming on. "What was that - ?"

"You gonna fucking talk to the new counselor?" He whispers, spinning the fingers in his hands. "'Cause that just seems like something you'd do."

I shrug, keeping a wary eye on Mr. Umino, who has already launched into a lecture about sheep - on the first day, too. If (_fuck)_ I get yelled at on the first day of class… "I don't know, Hidan. Maybe. Are _you?"_

His eyes narrow slightly, and his free hand flies back up to that necklace, rubbing the clasp. "No. Fuck no. I can deal on my own, _thanks, _bitch."

With that, Hidan spins back around to face the front, his sharpened pencil digging into the fresh sheet of paper in front of him. Kotetsu nudges me in the side and glances first at the blonde in front and then at Hidan, attempting to mouth something. I shake my head, mouth _I can't read lips _to him, and turn my eyes back to the front as well.

When the bell rings to end class, Hidan is out the door before I can make some kind of apology. Kotetsu tries to corner me again, but I manage to weasel out of that particular confrontation.

My last class of the day is Graphic Design with Ms. Uzuki, and none of my friends have it with me. It passes by slowly, and by the time I get home, I'm ready to fall back into bed again and never wake up.

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_I've been forgetting to credit the chapter titles, so here all of them go, just in case --_

"_Divine Intervention" by either Taking Back Sunday or Autopilot Off, depending on the lyrics you prefer._

"_The Devil Went Down To Georgia" by …I have genuinely forgotten, and therefore failed my roots._

"_The Truth About Heaven" by Armor for Sleep_

"_Crying in the Chapel" by Elvis Presley_

"_Concrete Angel" by Martina McBride_

"_Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory_

"_Bless The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts_

"_God Must Hate Me" by Simple Plan_

_Also, I hate giving Deidara the typical last name of "Iwa," so he got the last name he was tentatively given in another large project of mine. (Which will probably never be posted. Because although it's halfway done, its…eh.)_

_Alsoooo! Subplots! Suuuubplots! There will probably be far too many, I'll warn you now. Mistah Yamanaka and his darling daughter are just the beginning. The Konoha Eleven (plus Sasuke) will be making appearances; the lot of them make for juicy background plots. I also love them all too much to not include them somewhat._

_Bonus points to anyone who (like me) giggled uncontrollably when Tonbo showed up. I couldn't resist._

_For anyone who isn't aware, "Ag" is a shortening of, yes, Agriculture. Let's not forget that Konan is in the FFA. Why is Hidan in the class? Well, because. He is _**not **_in the FFA. (Neither am I, so excuse any butchering of the club. The Art Club and the FFA at my school hold a love-hate relationship; they dared to shush us one day while we were having a committee meeting during their lame little general meeting or something.)_

_Also. (So many alsos!) It is a pet peeve of mine when teachers are referred to by their first names in high school AUs; it doesn't typically happen in reality, and therefore won't happen here. Feel free to ask for clarification on who everyone is. (The only exception will be Ibiki; although I've never met a guidance counselor who went by their first name, I am aware that it happens relatively often.)_

_Final also. I attempted foreshadowing. I fail'd pretty hard. But I think I deserve brownie points anyway. (Fun fact: being a Brownie sucked. Hardcore. Never let your girlies be girl scouts! It ain't worth it.)_

_-- conversation hearts. who, incidentally, after announcing that updates will be few and far between, has updated…four chapters? yeah, about four chapters in two days._

_(I'd also like to put it out there that I really, really like this chapter. See? I don't whine about each and every one! I'm just brutally honest when it comes to my own faults. ;D )_


	10. chapter nine: devil in disguise

**crocodile farm.**

And the island of misfit toys grows ever smaller. AU.

**chapter nine - devil in disguise.**

"Konan, you have a minute?"

There's a very sarcastic, very low-fused piece of me that wants to inform Pein that no, I've got all the time in the world (_why exactly this phrase, who knows) _but there's a much nicer part of me that turns around, forces a smile not unlike his, and says sure. This is probably also the part of me that wants to put off reporting to homeroom as long as possible - in reality, I have about ten minutes before the tardy bell rings.

Pein's got a camera, and I don't recognize it - his old camera, the one that's broken now, was cracked and silver. This one is a shiny matte black, and Pein's holding it as carefully as Deidara used to hold those goddamn sculptures.

That thought is one that _has _to be cut off, so I attempt to strengthen my fake little smile and incline my head towards the camera. "Is that new, Pein?"

"Yeah," he nods, coming up to stand beside me and flicking the switch on the top around. The screen flickers to life, and I'm suddenly looking at both our feet through a very small frame.

"That's cool," I say, and wince slightly at the patronizing tone my voice has taken on. Pein and I haven't been talking as much since the caves, and -- wait, what is he doing?

He's flicked that little switch again, until I'm looking at a very clear picture of a pond. A small waterfall cascades down from an ungodly height, and a few people are splashing in it despite the sign telling them not to. One in particular looks oddly familiar, but he's too small in the grand scheme of things to make out clearly. I stiffen, and Pein taps his shoe against mine.

"It's the memory card - that camera was broken, my dad made me get rid of it - but…I kept the card. And…I haven't looked yet. I mean, I know there's nothing - but -"

"Yeah." Listening to Pein ramble, when he's usually so calm and with all thoughts collected, hurts too much. I can't let it continue. "You don't wanna…look at it alone?"

"No." He admits softly, glancing up at the hallway clock. "Seven minutes to look. You want to?"

I just nod, and he presses the button to flip through the pictures. The number at the top of the screen tells me that there are twenty-three - and the coldness of that makes my stomach churn. Twenty-three…was Deidara's favorite number. It's a cruel coincidence that I don't think Pein's noticed.

The next picture is the first one Pein took that day - apparently, before I arrived. Sasori, Itachi, Zetsu, Kisame, and Kakuzu are all sitting around that picnic table before the start of the trail. Tobi, Hidan, and Deidara are playing catch with a bag of chips…or, maybe, Hidan and Deidara are playing catch while Tobi's trying desperately to get his snack back.

Before I can say anything, Pein presses the button for the next picture, and my stomach is still churning. Why did I agree to look at these with him? This isn't helping me forget -- this is --

"I'll stop." He says hastily, shoving the camera back into his pocket before I can process what the next picture is. I know it was of Deidara, but what was he doing?

"Wha - why?" Was I being that obvious about my discomfort? I didn't think I was…I honestly want to help Pein, and I can tell that he desperately wants to look at these. He wants closure, and somehow, he thinks these'll give it to him. Maybe.

He just shakes his head, gesturing at the bell. "We've got barely any time. You have Mitarashi for your homeroom, right?"

I nod.

" -- yeah, so, you need to get there on time. She'll put you through hell if you're not through that door before the bell rings. I was in her English class last year. It was awful." He's rambling again, and starting to walk away. "See you at lunch, Konan! Sorry I missed you yesterday!"

Before I can form words correctly again, he's too far away for it to make any difference. I let a huff of air escape my lips - alright, maybe I force it out much harder than necessary - and start to walk the short distance to my homeroom. I've still got four minutes to go, and Pein's panicking about _my _being late? His homeroom is Umino, if (_fuckit)_ I'm not mistaken. Halfway across the school.

I smell a cover-up. Looks like Pein's trying to protect the delicate flower from something.

Adjusting the paper flower in my hair, I walk through the door of my homeroom and settle myself into my desk. Hardly anyone's here yet, just Izumo, Sasori, and a girl I barely know named Suzume. Izumo looks horribly lonely without Kotetsu sitting there beside him, and Sasori looks even worse without Deidara by his side.

Ms. Mitarashi zeros in on me almost instantly, and I _swear_ she teleports to my desk. "Beetle! 'Biki wants you in his office, first half of lunch!"

A blank stare is about all I can muster. Who the hell is "Biki?"

She stares back at me, that terrifying grin plastered across her face, before starting. "Oh! Sorry! Meant Ibiki. Morino - you know, the new counselor? Go see 'em, first half. And make sure Spider knows that he's expected second half."

"…yes, ma'am," I mutter, situating my backpack under my desk. "I'll let him know."

Something strange crosses her face, and she rests a hand on the top of my head briefly. Very briefly, mind you, and she also tweaks my paper flower in the same motion. "You do that, kid."

More people are starting to filter in - Itachi not among them - and she walks away from me, presumably to take attendance.

Just lovely. I have to go talk to the guidance counselor.

The world isn't going to let me forget, is it?

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_Updates have been coming quickly because I've been staying home from school and coming home early; for anyone unaware, I'm high-risk for swine flu and displaying symptoms. ;) Therefore, the little asthmatic has been taking trips to the doctor, sleeping, or typing. I don't actually have it (although everyone has decided that it's a matter of time, which, in a way would be _**very good**)_, but I may or may not have bronchitis. I'd go into more depth, but I've already whined about my tendency to catch life-threatening diseases to the girlies over at Avada Kedavra Inc., so I'll shut up._

_But just so you know. :)_

_Oh, and this chapter feels kind of filler-y. At least it brought up one (maybe two) important things. XP_

_Also showed that yes, even though he's dead, Deidara was kind of an ass. I can't remember where I read this, but somebody applied that to both the Yondaime Hokage and James Potter. Something along the lines of "everyone thinks they were amazing, but come on -- James was a proven ass. People forget that when somebody's dead."_

_That statement amused me, for some reason._

_Uh…oh, right. Chapter title is from "(You're The) Devil In Disguise" by Elvis Presley. I just noticed that most of these titles refer to very, very obscure things about the chapter…and this one is quite a stretch too. Hm…_

_Next chapter will be normal (Konan's POV), and I'm debating whether or not to do a single chapter with a so-far-minor character after that. Hm…_

_-- conversation hearts_


	11. chapter ten: your guardian angel

**crocodile farm.**

And the island of misfit toys grows ever smaller. AU.

**chapter ten - your guardian angel.**

Itachi strides into class halfway through second period, a pair of broken sunglasses perched atop his head. These, I recognize, although he hasn't worn them for at least three years.

He hands a blue slip over to Mr. Hatake, who barely glances at it before waving Itachi away. My dark-haired friend settles himself into his desk, several seats away from me, and I can't help but wonder what's going on.

Itachi moved here about four years ago, when we were all thirteen. Deidara hated him at first; Kisame took a sort of…brotherly interest in the quiet new kid. So, despite Deidara's loud complaints, we pulled Itachi into our circle.

He was the last one to join our little group of misfits, and he fit in much better than I'd assumed he would. He's _always _been the well-adjusted one, with perfect grades and a pair of parents. Sasori always used to say that Itachi would have been an excellent older brother, because of his complete patience. Itachi would just give a little smile and ruffle the hair of Sasori's siblings, and then change the subject.

Today, something about him looks…off. I scrawl a message on a piece of scrap paper -- _Morino's office, second half -- _and fold it up, handing it to the girl who sits in front of me. I think her name is Hana. She turns around and gives me a single raised eyebrow, but when I gesture towards Itachi with the note, she just nods and hands it over to him.

But then she turns back to me and mouths something - again, people assume I can read lips - her eyes darkening just a little when I mouth back that I can't understand her. After a few more failed attempts at communication, both of us with one eye on the front of the room, she rips off a scrap of her own paper and neatly writes across it:

_I'm sorry about your friend, Deidara. Are you okay?_

Before I know it, the paper is on my desk, and my pencil hand is hovering over it. What do I say to that? Finally, I settle on a reply and write it down, mentally wincing at how my chicken scratch looks next to her neat script. I also decide that it's wise not to say that I'm trying to forget right now.

_Well…kind of. Not as bad as it could be. I'm working on it._

I push the note a little closer to her, and she scans it over quickly. However, as soon as her pencil hits the paper, Mr. Hatake swoops in and crumples it up, depositing it perfectly into the trash can. Hana lets a harsh sigh of frustration out through her teeth, and I can't help but agree with the sentiment.

Itachi glances back at me, a questioning look in his eye, but I shrug it off. Honestly, I don't even know which thing he's trying to get across - confusion about the note I gave him, or confusion about the note Hana and I were writing.

Either way, I don't have much explanation.

The class drags on and on - advanced placement math is not a class I enjoy, in _any _sense of the word - until, finally, the bell for lunch rings. I'm up and out of my seat in a flash, hoping to get my meeting with Morino over with quickly. I'm supposed to meet Pein for lunch, too, after all.

I think I hear somebody calling my name as I leave, but I'm not sure enough to turn around and check. Morino's office is next to the main office, and that's halfway across the school. Pressing through the crowds is easier than it should be - _are people honestly making extra room for me? - _and I make it to the counselor's office in record time.

Morino is a scary man. He's absolutely gigantic, taller than even Kisame, and it's not fat that gives him all that extra weight. It's _muscle. _Compared to our last counselor, the reedy Mr. Yamanaka, this guy is a mountain. A mountain seated behind a desk that looks way too small for him, of course, but that just makes him look even bigger.

The guidance counselor's office is always kind of dark, for some reason. If you ask me, that's a little counterproductive, but naturally, no one's going to ask my opinion. Before I can announce that opinion, or something else that's going to make him think I'm crazy, I settle down into the chair in front of his desk, panting a little from my mad dash across the school.

"Konan Itakura?" He says - more like rumbles, like rocks tumbling down a mountainside. Okay, I'm overusing the mountain metaphor, but…it's so _accurate._

I nod, pulling down the hem of my shirt and tapping my fingernails on the arm of the desk. "Yeah, that's me."

"I'm guessing you know why I've asked that you come here," he says now, pushing a file to an edge of the desk I can't quite reach. If he's anything like the last guidance counselor - who I _only _visited when I wanted to switch out of a class, mind you - it's the one that has my name stamped across it.

"Because of Deidara."

He nods slowly. "Yes, in part."

…_part? _What else has gone on lately that I'd need a guidance counselor for?

"We're also concerned about a few of your other friends, and we were hoping that you may be able to alert us to any problems." He continues, completely ignoring my confusion. This guy is pretty much the weirdest counselor on earth. "Namely, Hidan Awai, Sasori Sabaku, and Kisame Hoshigaki, all of whom have been displaying…strange behavior."

I shrug. That's an easy enough answer. "Well…yeah. Doesn't everyone handle grief differently?"

Score one for the girl who paid attention in her middle school health class.

Morino nods again and pulls the file back towards him. "Yes, but you've all been hit very hard lately. First, the death of a close friend - a death you witnessed, I might add - and then the committal of another friend, Zetsu Honda -"

…_what?_

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_Gasp!_

_Again, I played with last names. I didn't mind Sabaku for Sasori, but Awai, Itakura, and Honda are all last names I slapped on there myself. (And yes, Honda is because I read Fruits Basket, not because I like the brand.)_

_Even more brownie points to anyone who knows who Hana is._

_Uh…you know, I actually don't have comments for this chapter, other than to say that there was supposed to be interaction between Konan and Itachi, and it just didn't happen. _

_Oh, yeah. I used to get dragged off to counselors every now and then to get asked if my friends were alright, too. So, yes, it happens. Morino is probably the scariest guidance counselor out there. Silly school district, hiring him._

…_ah, well, that's it._

_Also'd like to point out that, despite any points where I've said the reviews don't matter…well, I still like 'em. _

_Just, you know._

_Putting that out there._

_-- conversation hearts._


	12. chapter eleven: and we all have a hell

**crocodile farm.**

And the island of misfit toys grows ever smaller. AU.

**chapter eleven - and we all have a hell.**

"What are you talking about?" I blurt, my fingernails ceasing their action against the armrest. Morino raises a single eyebrow at me - what is it with everyone being able to do that but me? - and lets his hand slip off the file in front of him.

"You hadn't been informed?" He seems genuinely surprised, and my mind begins to race with all sorts of questions I can't find the words for. Does everyone know? What's wrong with Zetsu? _Why don't I know?_

Morino apparently takes my silence as confirmation, and heaves a sigh. It sounds out of place coming from him, but the poetic piece of my mind still supplies _wind rushing down the sides of a mountain. _I pinch my own inner arm. Right now, I don't really want to be thinking about all the pretty ways to describe the counselor - I want _answers. _

(_You know, this is making it easier to forget.)_

"Zetsu Honda," and here he flips open the file again, "was sent to a local psychiatric hospital after his parents confirmed that he'd been hallucinating, prone to delusions, and interacting with others much less than previously. It had been continuing for at least six months -"

Oh, god. I'm a terrible friend. I didn't even _notice._

"- and his clinical assessment diagnosed him with schizophrenia. Steps are being taken to treat it, although it could take quite some time to bring Zetsu back to his typical self."

Morino's looking at me with something that might be worry, but I'm a bit too busy wracking my brain for anything I missed to care - if I didn't even notice that Zetsu was going insane, could I maybe not have noticed something about…Deidara? Was something wrong with Deidara, before he…?

But no, that's ridiculous, because Deidara _was not suicidal. _I've never known anyone who was suicidal - does that mean I don't know the symptoms…

_Enough. _Deidara was _fine. _He was in the _wrong place _at the _wrong time _and he _did not plan that. _

"Konan?"

Morino's voice is too loud, and I flinch underneath it's force. "Oh - sorry, Mr. Morino - I was just…that's a lot to take in."

"Precisely," he says, his voice much softer now that he has my full attention. "We're concerned about the effects of this year on your own psyche, to be honest - are you alright? Nothing you say will exit this room, naturally."

I shrug. It's not my psyche I'm worried about, because I've always handled tough times the same way: ignoring them until they make themselves go away. But I am worried about the way I've always looked at things, and at _people - _am I not looking closely enough?

"I'm fine," I reply, moderately sure that it's not a lie. "I promise. But…would I be able to see Zetsu?"

The question comes out slow, and Morino almost looks surprised by my voicing it. If I can get in there, and see Zetsu, and _talk _to him…maybe there won't be any more disasters. Maybe I won't lose any more friends to dark, dark water and the dark, dark recesses of their own minds.

"Possibly. A teenager may not be able to get into the ward Zetsu is staying in, but I'll check into it for you." He says this reluctantly, and I bite my tongue to prevent any snapping on my part. First Pein with the pictures, and now Morino with visitation - everyone is protecting me from something, and from someone.

I don't say a bit of what I'm thinking, though, and let a thank you fall through my lips. Morino acknowledges it, and starts to say something else, but he's interrupted by the ringing of the school bell. Second half of lunch has officially started, which means I need to track everyone else down and find out if _they _knew. Come to think of it, I've barely spoken to Kakuzu, Tobi, and Kisame since school started.

Granted, one of them still seems to be angry at me, but that's not much of an excuse.

As I'm leaving - Morino looks like he wants to call me back, but to my relief, he doesn't - I run into Itachi in the doorway. He glances in at Morino before pulling me back out into the hallway, his face much more uncertain than I've seen it before.

"Konan…could you do me a favor?"

The sunglasses perched atop his head are broken in so many places. Why does he wear them…?

I nod and say sure. Doing favors - first step to watching out for your friends' inevitable breakdown, isn't it?

"My…mother…is concerned that I'm not socializing. Knowing her, that could possibly mean a transfer to a different school. I…that's not what I want to do now, of all years. Would you mind…?" He trails off, looking helplessly at me. If I'm supposed to know how he's finishing that sentence, well, I'm afraid I don't.

"Mind doing what?"

A quick glance to my right tells me that Morino is waiting just inside of the guidance counselor's office, clearly a bit peeved by our little impromptu conference. He can suck it up and wait - I don't think Itachi particularly wants to talk to him at the moment, and I'm still stinging over the loss of my lunch and the knowledge I've just gained.

"Would you mind coming over on Saturday?" The words leave his mouth in a rush, and for a few seconds, I just blink. Itachi…is in a panic…over asking me over to his house?

Well, it would be the first time since meeting him. "Sure. I haven't got anything to do. Where is - ?"

"Uchiha!"

Morino is most certainly getting agitated - for a guidance counselor, he seems to have very little patience - so Itachi shoots a glance at him and shakes his head. "Just ask Sasori. He knows where I live. Thank you, Konan."

With that, he turns and strides into the office, his broken sunglasses flashing in the light.

Well, what do you know.

One friend dead, one friend in the asylum, and one trying to break his antisocial veil.

I'm kind of starting to wonder what's hiding behind curtain number four, but I'm also relatively sure that I don't want to know.

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_Schizophrenia info from wikipedia, because my own knowledge of schizophrenia is painfully less than it should be._

_If all goes as planned, the final chapter of this fanfiction should be posted either next Sunday or next Monday, depending on whether or not I have time to type a chapter on Saturday. (I.e., expect a chapter on Wednesday, possibly Saturday, Monday+Wednesday+Saturday of next week, and two on Sunday. Sound a tad random? I'm basing that around rehearsal schedule and a party.)_

_Er…I have short notes today too, heh. Chapter title from "…And We All Have A Hell" by From First to Last._

_Not sure I'm entirely pleased with Ibiki's characterization, but, well…there you have it anyway._

_And, hinthint, I attempted some foreshadowing and insights into Konan herself in this chapter. The foreshadowing was probably failed painfully. The insights into her character, well, those I probably managed quite nicely. ;)In other news, one month and ten days until my birthday. Expect elation from the Hearts of Conversation! (Coincidentally, two days until a friend's birthday.)_

_-- conversation hearts._


	13. chapter twelve: angel of music

crocodile farm.

**And the island of misfit toys grows ever smaller. AU.**

**chapter twelve - angel of music.**

When I pull into the driveway of Itachi's house that Saturday, the first thing I hear is somebody singing. It's not often I hear a singing voice up close and personal - the choir at our school is a horrible, horrible joke - and it actually makes me stop short.

I wait there, in my car with the windows down, for a few minutes, before a familiar head of bright red hair appears rather suddenly by the passenger side. "Konan, you came."

"Uh - hi, Sasori…"

I'll admit, I hadn't expected to see Sasori here - nor had I expected to see him looking so good. I probably look like a gaping fish, because he shrugs ever so slightly and crosses to my side of the car to open my door for me. "Kurenai gets worried if I don't look okay."

"Uh." I'm not particularly eloquent today, but to Sasori's credit, he doesn't comment on it, just watches impassively as I pull myself out of the car and shut the door behind me. Both of us wince when it slams shut, and I tuck my hand into my pocket with a hint of embarrassment. "It…wasn't supposed to close that loudly."

"Obviously."

The two of us make our way up to Itachi's front door silently. Somebody inside is still singing, and Sasori pushes open the door and walks into the house without any inhibitions. I get the feeling he comes here often; why didn't I know that?

Surprisingly enough, this house isn't as nice as I'd expected. Two stories, yeah, but it's so…lived in, and beigegreyneutral. The kind of place you expect to see in some old home and garden magazine, with twice as much clutter. Not the kind of place you expect Itachi Uchiha, of all people, to live in.

The singer is not in this room; however, a tall, tanned man with scars etched across half his face is. He offers the two of us a smile, pulling Sasori's hood off and ruffling that red hair in one motion. I almost expect Sasori to flinch away, or at least make _some _comment, but he lets it slide by and just flips his hood back over his eyes.

"Raidou - this is Konan Itakura." Sasori taps my back lightly, and I step a little closer to the man. He nods his head in greeting and sticks out his hand; I take it and shake it almost awkwardly. I never did understand why we shake hands to greet others…

"It's nice to meet you. I'd chat more, but I need to go jump a friend's car. Itachi's in his room - you know where it is, Sasori."

Sasori ducks his head in an appropriation of a nod and then jerks it to the left side. I glance over and notice a door, through which a dark-haired woman with huge headphones on is facing the window. I expect she's Kurenai, and I also expect she's the singer, but Sasori pulls me towards the stairs before I can get a better look.

The two of us walk up them quickly, sounding a little bit like elephants on parade. Not the pink kind, either. The red and blue kind…

I'm not used to seeing Sasori so…open. That isn't quite the word, but I don't know how else to say it. He's not tense and quiet, wound tighter than a clock. He's…relaxed, almost. Kind of smiling and moving with more grace than purpose.

At the top of the stairs, we take a sharp left and come up in front of a white door. Sasori raps on it once, while I stand behind him and try to remove the awkwardness from my posture. Sasori may be relaxed here, but I'm still unsure of precisely _why _I'm here.

"Come in," Itachi's voice calls out, soft and a little tired, and we enter the room.

It's…nice. There are art supplies strewn all over one corner, and the area rug in the center looks like a dog chewed it up, but there's still a kind of feeling here that I don't get from my own room. Calmness, and organization, and…hominess? Itachi's sitting on the edge of his bed, a human biology book across his lap.

"You came."

I shrug, still looking around. "Did you think I wouldn't?"

It's Itachi's turn to shrug, while Sasori settles himself into a red mushroom chair by the window. "I wasn't sure. Did you already meet Kurenai and Raidou?"

"Yes," Sasori answers for me, while I try to find a place to sit. I finally decide on the bed beside Itachi, my legs pulled up in front of me and the comforter smooth under my fingers. "Well, she met Raidou. Kurenai was busy."

Something that's seemed odd about the way those two are spoken about finally clicks into place, and I spend a few seconds trying to figure out what I mean. Ever since Itachi moved here, I've never heard him call his parents "mom" or "dad." What's even stranger is that _Sasori _calls them by their first names.

That seems kind of disrespectful, and it's coming from the two most respectful people I know…and it's one of those things that I can let lie on the floor. "Itachi, you call your parents by their first names?"

He shrugs, while Sasori shifts slightly beside us. "Kurenai and Raidou adopted me, Konan. My birth parents died when I was thirteen."Well, if I don't feel like shit now. "I'm sor -"

"Don't be," Sasori cuts in, earning a surprised glance from both of us on the bed. Sasori Akasuna actually…interrupted somebody. How is that even _possible? "_It's not like it's your fault."

There are too many impossibilities coming true right now.

"Akasuna," Itachi says coolly, his eyes focusing on the biology book once more, pale fingers whispering across the page and underlining the vocabulary words, "I don't believe I've ever heard a cliché cross your lips before now."

For some reason, that's hilariously funny, and the three of us collapse into an insane fit of laughter, until our faces are red and we can't breathe. I barely realize that I've never really heard the two of them laugh before, and that Itachi's statement wasn't even that funny, until we're playing a game of pop-tab poker on the hardwood floor.

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_I…I said that I would get this up like three days ago._

_However, life happened, and therefore I lied. But whoot! Life no longer sucks. _

_Oh, and I'd be lying if I said that I was completely happy with this chapter, but...there are good things._

_The house in this chapter exists; although I don't live in it, I do have the right to walk in and steal food from the cupboards. The owners don't bat an eyelash._

_Aaagh, this chapter was supposed to have so much more communication! Depending on my mood, the next chapter will either be a continuation of this, or may just plow on with the plot. I'm pretty sure we're getting to the one I'm _**dying **_to write._

_So, I may just leave the rest of Itachi and Sasori's stories for the sequel. XP There's too much! Too much, I say!_

_A side note -- the epilogue is officially written. ;) I know how this ends, lul._

_-- conversation hearts._


	14. chapter thirteen: holes in heavens floor

**crocodile farm.**

And the island of misfit toys grows ever smaller. It's too bad Konan can't forget why. AU.

**chapter thirteen - holes in the floor of heaven.**

Dinner at Itachi's house is calm, and around a table in the kitchen, and so unlike my own home.

At my house, my parents usually eat dinner in the living room, and I retreat to my bedroom with my own plate. It's much more peaceful, and gives me a chance to finish things like homework, without taking time out of the rest of my day.

At Itachi's house, though, I sit between him and Sasori and eat an actual turkey dinner. Once again, so unlike home - we usually eat some canned vegetables and a cheap kind of meat from the grocery store. Kurenai, Itachi's…mother? Yeah, that seems to fit, even if I can't consider it completely true.

Anyway, she works at the food pantry in town, and sometimes gets food from the place as a benefit. Sasori teases - actually _good-naturedly teases - _her about being unable to cook it; she snipes back with a jab at his own nonexistent skill in the kitchen.

I discover, amidst soft laughter from Itachi and much more open laughter from the two adults, that Raidou is the only one in the house who can cook at all.

"That doesn't stop Itachi from trying," he says airily, waving a turkey-laden fork in the air, "Despite the fire department's pleas."

Sasori lets out a quiet snort of laughter at that, and I join in a little louder than I probably should. It's just so…unreal. After everything that's happened lately, this feels like it can't happen. Like it couldn't have _ever _happened.

After Deidara died, we all fell apart. We…disassembled. So many pieces of one machine - if we were _ever _one machine - that just rusted and fell to the ground. But even before his death, even before that stupid fucking day in the summer when we just wanted to hang out, we weren't…like the other people I see around school. Like the groups of friends who stick together, no matter what, and know everything about each other, and -

"Are you alright, Konan?"

I lift my head up and meet Itachi's gaze. Everyone is looking at me, and I can feel my cheeks getting hot. A nice dinner, with my friend's parents…and I managed to space out like the complete loser freak that I am. Lovely.

"Oh - sorry. I was just…thinking. Um, this is really good. Thanks for…inviting me over."

That's pretty much the most awkward excuse ever, but they all accept it and smile, heads nodding. I can actually see Sasori's face, as he's pulled the hood off. Sasori in a typical family situation - even if it isn't his family - is still a strange sight.

"You're welcome," Kurenai gushes, and I'm once again stricken by how similar to Itachi she looks, regardless of their blood relation, "We were just happy to see that Itachi has somebody other than Sasori."

Sasori won't meet my gaze, and I resolve to ask him about all of this later. His completely _nice _behavior, the fact that he already knew _everything _about Itachi's family…

Why didn't I know any of this? I'm a friend too.

When dinner ends, it's still light outside. I know that my parents probably won't expect me back until dark, and anyway - I don't want to leave this new reality any time soon.

Three of us walking up the staircase together is even louder than when it was just Sasori and I; Raidou passes by when we're nearly to the top and snarks about too much weight on the second floor.

I swear that I'm not the one who tosses the towel at him.

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_Chapter is far too short and far too filler-y and way, way too authors-notes-y; I know. But…things about the story have changed._

_This was supposed to be up three or four days ago. However, in the span of time since you saw me last, I gained a boyfriend, ditched said boyfriend, began openly hating several people, and have been attending more and more drama rehearsals._

_I also started roleplaying again (hint hint: freewebs / conversationhearts), and have been devoting a lot of my time to that - I found a group of lovely one-on-oners who are just as insane as I am. (One of my current roleplays is a pair of Fae in the middle of a Zombie Apocalypse set in Japan. 3 )_

_Next week won't be good for updates either -- Halloween film fest at the school._

_As for the sequel: quite frankly, there probably WON'T be one anymore. Thought it over, and decided that I didn't want to do it…what I'm considering doing is posting a series of vignettes to do with this world; just things that tie up loose ends, maybe a few from before Deidara kicked the bucket, things like that._

_I'm still finishing this, of course, and it'll still have eighteen chapters + an epilogue._

_Sorry about the wait and the death of the promised sequel._

_Hm, GLEE starts in twenty-three minutes…_

_Oh. _

_I may as well say this now: my next fanfic, now that the sequel is out of the way, will probably be an Akatsuki-based canon piece, once again heavy on the angst._

_Aaah…I'm just going to post this._

_Next chapter will have substance. XP_

_(Also, according to my poll, everyone loves Itachi and Sasori. XD)_

_-- conversation hearts_


	15. chapter fourteen: god is a girl

**crocodile farm.**

And the island of misfit toys grows ever smaller. AU.

**chapter fourteen -- god is a girl.**

It's been another week since I went to Itachi's house, and now I feel like crying.

I'd been doing so well with the forgetting -- with blocking out blonde hair and blue eyes, and staying away from water -- but now that's all shot to pieces, and it's that stupid little freshman's fault again.

The bus is cold today, just like the bitter air outside, and I'm curled up in my normal seat. The freshman -- I've learned his name, it's Kiba, he's Hana Inuzuka's little brother -- is back there in Deidara's seat like it's his birthright, discussing with his friends in detail what happened when Deidara and Hidan fell in. What happened when I -- when _we _-- tried to save him.

How does he know? He knows that Pein took a picture right before it happened; he knows details from after I blacked out. The little blonde who looks and acts too much like Dei seems fascinated, while the pink-haired girl sounds like she's sickened. She keeps asking him to please stop talking, move onto a different subject, but he _won't._

Kiba just keeps going and going and going. (_Deidara can't do that anymore.)_

Shit.

I'm about to stand up and ask to be let off -- I don't care if we're miles from my house, I can call my mother and she'll come pick me up, or I can walk, or I can sit there and do nothing -- when I hear a command from the seat in front of me. "Kiba Inuzuka, you shut yer damn mouth!"

My head snaps up faster than it probably should have, and I look straight up into the angry eyes of Hana Inuzuka. She's standing up, probably with her knees pressed into the seat and her fingers white on the back of it. And she's coming to my rescue.

I crane my neck around the edge of my seat to look at Kiba; he looks completely cowed, kind of shrunk back under the glare of his big sister. He deserves it, of course, but he looks completely pathetic and I almost feel sorry for him.

Just almost. I'm more of a bitch than I thought.

Hana vaults herself over the top of her seat, earning a half-hearted yell from the bus driver, and stands in mine now, finger pointing accusingly at her little brother. "Kiba Inuzuka, you get a little fucking compassion, and _then _you can talk again. I don't wanna hear your annoying little voice for the rest of the goddamn day, you hear me?"

He nods, his mouth snapped shut and his eyes slightly wide. Hana does have visible muscles in her arms; I'm willing to bet that she's not pleasant when she's pissed.

Once she's satisfied that he's not going to talk -- I can hear the little blonde back there, trying to prod him into more grisly stories, while the girl is singing her I-told-you-sos -- Hana plops down onto the seat next to me, offering a wan smile and fluttering, apologetic hands.

"I'm sorry about Kiba -- since we were there, he feels like he has some kind of monopoly on --"

"Wait, _what?" _I feel kind of bad for interrupting her, but this is news to me. They were…there? As in…there when he, when _they _fell in? That doesn't feel possible, but I do remember seeing vaguely familiar figures in a few of Pein's photographs…

She nods slowly, leaning her head back against the seat and closing her eyes. "Yeah, the last family trip of the summer. My mom called the rangers, but they didn't -- they were -- I'm sorry, Konan."

"What for?" This, above all else, makes no sense. Kiba is the one who's probably been _trying _to make me cry, and me and my friends are the ones who couldn't pull Deidara out in time.

Why were we able to get Hidan? I'm glad we did, so fucking glad one of them lived, but…what twist of fate let him live and forced Deidara to die alone and cold? Why did Hidan pass out, why couldn't he grab a hold of Deidara's arm just before he lost consciousness?

None of this is Hana's fault -- that much, I'm sure of. Her apologies are pointless, but she doesn't seem to think so.

She's quiet for a minute, shifts around, even leans forward to pull her backpack into the seat we're now sharing. A sophomore has snapped up her now-empty seat, a dark-haired girl who's stretched out and listening to an iPod. I can see her feet sticking out into the aisle and her obviously-dyed hair pressed against the window.

I think she wants to be scene, or maybe emo. She's doing a good job of it.

Hana finally speaks, a sharpness that brings me away from the brown-black-red strands of hair in front of me and back to the brown hair and brown eyes beside me. "I'm sorry for your loss -- oh, fuck, that just sounds contrived. I can't believe he's gone either, and I'm so, so sorry there wasn't something we could _do."_

"At least you tried," I say almost immediately, and the words feel perfect on my tongue. "Trying -- trying was all anyone could have done, you know?"

She smiles at me, and this time it's not like a crescent moon. This time, it's genuine and friendly, and I feel my own lips twitching up just slightly back at her, even though the subject hurts. She seems to sense that I can't handle much more talk about Deidara, and stretches her arms high above her head.

"So, did you hear that our football team finally won a game?"

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_Yikes, I have no excuse for lateness, other than some parties, some roleplaying, and…well, swine flu/migraines, but I'm pretty sure I've bitched about those already. (Have I?)_

_Ugh. Lately, I've pretty much lost my will to write crocfarm, and I'm not sure why. My apologies. I've mostly been roleplaying, but everyone keeps fucking disappearing on me. Honestly, I only "vanish mysteriously" if somebody's literacy makes me cringe, and I __**know **__that I'm literate. Where the hell is everyone going?!_

_Anyway. I am starting to love the Inuzukas. :D_

_And, I'm still contemplating the sequel -- but honestly, at the rate I've been doing this lately…it doesn't sound like it's going to happen, at least not soon._

_My birrrthday is in twenty days. :D November 22, wooo!_

_Oh, and Mirrra. If you're still reading this (lol, somehow I doubt it), looook at the Easter Eggs I left for yoou! All these silly mentions of things you might be aware of._

_I almost wanted to put in Tickle-Me-Elmo running down the street, teehee!_

_(Oh, and for the general populace -- if I disappear completely, and don't even review reply, it's safe to assume that my parents have finally decided to punish me for sneaking out to the nationally-famous college block party on Halloween. I don't think they will, but it's still a possibility. :D )_

_-- conversation hearts. (Coincidentally, conversationhearts is the freewebs address where all my roleplay info is kept, hinthinthint.)_


	16. author's note

_Author's Note._

Alright, I'm sorry, but I have to say it -- _crocodile farm_ is officially hiatus'd, and may or may not be almost-completely rewritten. If it is, it will probably be uploaded under a new title (_her eyes say yes, _maybe, if only because I currently adore that song by Hit The Lights).

I'm well aware that the quality and updates have plummeted lately. Bear with me. Between this, reality, and roleplaying, my fuse and time are short. (By the way, if you're going to fucking agree to roleplay with someone, DO NOT QUIT AFTER TWO POSTS. DO NOT. I have TEN roleplays in my inbox that have not been replied to since the beginning of November. UGH.)

But, well, there you go.

Hiatus.

But not the _Voice In My Head _type of hiatus, which actually means that I'd need a head injury before I finish it. _crocodile farm _**will** be finished. Fuck, it kind of already is, and I _adore_ the epilogue.

_-- conversation hearts._

_(Go read some of my drabbles if you're really craving my writing that much, or strike up a roleplay with me. Or give me a request, because I love requests for oneshots.)_


	17. chapter fifteen: makes me wanna pray

**crocodile farm.**

And the island of misfit toys grows ever smaller. AU.

**chapter fifteen -- makes me wanna pray.**

When I get inside the school, Hana waves goodbye to me and heads off to her homeroom. It's a nice feeling, having a friend-or-acquaintance who's female and willing to talk to you. I can't remember the last time I really had a female friend, and I don't think that my female friends have ever been like Hana.

Even though I'm still stinging from Kiba's repeated mentions of Deidara, I walk through the halls with the smallest hint of a smile on my face. I can feel it there, stretching out the muscles and most likely confusing everyone who walks by me. Today, I don't pay much attention to them although I'm facing forward for once, and I don't realize Kakuzu's standing there until he grabs my arm and says my name.

"Konan!"

He pulls me out of the flowing crowd to stand beside both him and the school's trophy case, while I vaguely realize that I haven't spoken to him in a long time -- a time far, far too long for somebody who's supposed to be one of my best friends. Maybe that's the problem: I have too many best friends and not enough just _friends._

"Hi, Kakuzu. Is there, um, a reason you kidnapped me?"

He rolls his eyes for some reason and shrugs, almost looking uncomfortable. "I just -- I haven't talked to you in a long time, Konan. Nobody talks anymore, and I'm starting to wonder…"

After a few seconds of silence, drawn out enough that they feel like minutes -- I know they aren't, because I'm staring at a clock instead of Kakuzu's face -- I decide that he's not going to say any more without prompting from me, and so I use an age old trick: just repeat the last thing he said. "Wonder what?"

"If we were only friends -- all of us, I mean, not just you and I -- because of Deidara."

_(why is he using if? didn't we damn that word to hell? oh, no -- that was just me, just the silly little girl.)_

I'm not used to anyone who was _there _being that blunt with their use of his name, and it throws me for a tiny rollercoaster-loop. When I regain my balance, I shrug and try to word things as carefully as I can, because I don't want yet another friend angry at me for reasons I don't understand. "I…I'd be friends with you no matter what, Kakuzu."

Well, if that didn't sound like the moral on a TV show aimed at small children, I don't know what does. I take a breath, raise my eyes to where the sky should be, and plow forward anyway. "I mean -- that's impossible. We weren't all friends because of one person, we were…He wasn't our reason. He was one of us. And it's -- it's almost --"

Here comes the indirect slur, but I don't know how else to say what needs to be said.

"Almost like an insult to his memory to say that, isn't he? You make it sound like…like he mattered more than everyone else, and we were just…_indulging _him."

A silence falls over us that somehow reaches out to the rest of the students in the hallway, and Kakuzu doesn't speak until after the first bell rings. I know that I should be going to class, but right now, patching up the broken pieces of our group is more important than a detention or two.

I hope that our friendship was a mirror and not a thread, because you can repair a mirror -- the end result is cracked but whole. There's no way to repair a slender, frayed thread, and trying just frustrates you and makes you want to cry a little.

"You're right," Kakuzu finally says, playing with the strap of his backpack. "I shouldn't have -- of course you're right."

He leans forward, under the premise of tying his shoe, but I think he's just trying to avoid looking me in the eye -- something I'd be hypocritical to criticize. Instead, I watch the necklace that's slipped out of his shirt, somehow fascinated by the pendulum motions it makes.

Silence falls over us again, and I nearly turn to leave -- I think he's given me full permission to do so -- when the shape of the necklace catches my eye, and something new bubbles up just under my skin. "Isn't that Hidan's necklace?"

Kakuzu lifts his head to glance up at me, and then wraps a hand around his necklace, tightening the laces on his shoes with the other hand. "Yeah. He gave it to me the other day -- I'm not sure why."

"I thought that was his favorite necklace," I murmur, confused and almost meaning it to be a question.

Kakuzu takes it as a question and straightens up completely, tucking the silver pendant back underneath his shirt. "I always thought it was too, but since he gave it away, it can't have ever been that important, can it?"

I'm not as sure as he is -- I'd seen Hidan leap out a second-story window to retrieve that necklace when he and Kisame had been playfighting one day -- but since we both have less than a minute to get to our respective homerooms, there isn't any time nor a point in arguing about it. He gives me a two-fingered wave and I princess-wave back, both of us powerwalking off in different directions.

I manage to leap through the door of the classroom just as the tardy bell rings, earning some tirade from Ms. Mitarashi about punctuality and how much she hates it. That's easy enough to block out, as all of her homeroom students have been cultivating talents for ignoring her distinctive voice, and I get to my seat without any trouble.

Sasori is asleep at his desk in the back, and Itachi seems to be doing…homework? Whatever it is, it's inside his math book and he's writing with a speed I've never seen him use. Weird. Itachi never has to do homework during the morning; he always finishes it either within the allotted class time or his free time at home.

Oh, well. First time for everything, right?

The announcements crackle on, another event that triggers our well-tuned ear blocks, and Kotetsu and Izumo decide that a three-person game of Dots is in order. For the next ten minutes, everything is painfully normal and quiet, and I win forty-seven boxes, although Kotetsu tries to argue that some marked "KON" actually say "KOT."

It's nice, and just enough to make everything else seem normal too.

* * *

_I don't know if this was a good chapter, or if it was less episodic than some of the others, but it did manage to pull in my favorite plot point so far. Guesses as to why 'Kuzu's got Hidan's necklace will be adored and giggled at. _

_Um. I don't have notes. Other than I'm taking requests, I want people to roleplay with me, and you should all go visit the Avada Kedavra, Inc., forum, which I just happen to moderate for a real-life friend who has been mentioned in these notes._

_Hm._

_Peace, yo._

_-- conversation hearts. (Well, fuck. Did I really say "peace, yo?")_


	18. epilogue

crocodile farm.

**And the island of misfit toys grows ever smaller. AU.**

**epilogue - "and the angels sang a whiskey lullaby"**

"You know, it's been a really long time."

I'm lying on my stomach, crisp end-of-summer air pressing in on me. The grass is soft, and well-kept, and I am more comfortable here than I am in my own bed. An old tree stretches languidly above me, its new growth and young leaves ironic in this place.

My car is parked just outside the rusted gate. It's the only vehicle here, solitary on the gravel parking lot.

The headstone in front of me is still new enough to glisten in the afternoon sun, but it's not new enough to retain that horrible melancholy perfection. Although seeing the name carved on it is still enough to send a pang of hurt through me - one I'm not stupid enough to ignore anymore - it doesn't hurt quite so bad as it used to, and I can even reach out and trace the letters that make it up.

_Deidara Narita._

"I'm sorry I didn't come earlier today," I continue, twisting my fingers up in that soft grass and rolling onto my back. The sky is a pretty shade of blue that I'd bet anything matches his long-closed eyes perfectly. "I didn't want to chance running into anyone else. There's some kind of festival down in the square - they'll all be there. Everyone else already came to visit you, didn't they?"As expected, there isn't an answer. If I were superstitious, I might claim that the wind picked up in response, but it's the end of summer. Finicky breezes are to be expected, aren't they?

"Did they tell you what's been going on?"

Once again, no answer, but I press the top of my head against the gravestone and continue anyway. Deidara never would have been this quiet when he was alive. "You know, Deidara, I used to kind of think you were our sun - that was probably just because of your hair - but now I know better. You were our glue. Not the dollar store kind, you know, the really good stuff my dad buys at Lowe's."

My dad bought a new tube of that superglue last night, and when I was helping him repair something in the basement, this particular analogy hit me. I've been much more interested in analogies since Deidara died - probably since around the time I met Mr. Morino, actually - and I'm particularly proud of this one.

"That's not to say you weren't special. Glue that strong, well, it's got to have something going for it, right? And now that you're gone - although superglue isn't supposed to disappear; I haven't worked that part out just yet - we've all fallen to pieces."

This position, half lying and half leaning on the stone, is getting uncomfortable, so I pull myself up and cross my legs. From this spot on the hill - I live on a hill and so does he - I can see nearly all of the little town. It's where Pein, Deidara, Itachi, and I walked, all that time ago when we were little and _whole. _

Then again, maybe we weren't whole. I just always believed we were, because that was how well my life had always gone. I find a little helicopter seed, fallen from the tree above me, and start to twiddle it through my fingers at speeds I didn't know were possible.

"Zetsu still hasn't come back -- Hidan hasn't either, not since he tried to kill himself. We should have noticed...I talked to Hidan's mom, once - she said that he was doing okay, just a little confused on how his life was going to go from here on out. I don't really know what she meant by that, but," I sigh and lean my back against the headstone. It's cool, even through my two layers of shirt, "I think it's good, in a way. As for Zetsu…well, who knows? He was always pretty self-sufficient, you know? I think he'll be fine. Then again, I could just be doing a lot of useless thinking, but…you're the only one around to hear."

It's true that I probably think too much, but it's so much better than thinking too little - if I hadn't thought so very, very little, maybe I would have caught on to a bit more. Hell, maybe I'd still have more than one or two friends.

"The band died with you, of course. Nobody really wanted to continue. And anyway - Sasori moved to the votech, I already told you Hidan's gone, you obviously weren't around to play…Well, a band made up of just Pein and Kisame isn't much. And anyway, Pein moved this summer. I guess…well, no, I can't claim I know why."

I don't know why a lot of things happened, still. I have no idea why Kisame is _still _angry with me, I have no idea why Hidan took survivor guilt so hard, I have no idea why Sasori went off to the vocational school to finish out his junior and senior years. Maybe there are some things I don't _need _to know.

"Itachi's going to end up going to an Ivy League school, I'll bet you anything. He spends all his time studying. We don't really get the chance to talk anymore."I doubt Deidara would mind that, and the thought makes a smile cross my face as I toss the helicopter seed up into the air. Deidara and Itachi never got along perfectly; I'd bet you anything that Deidara would have said something along the lines of _good riddance _and moved onto the next interesting thing.

"I don't talk to many of them anymore, actually. Just you, and sometimes Tobi. I've managed to get closer to Hana Inuzuka, though, and that's…pretty nice. Having a girl for a friend who isn't a twat, I mean. And…well, she kind of gets what this whole thing," and here I nudge his headstone with my elbow, "has meant, seeing as she was there too. She doesn't get it completely, of course, but…it's still very nice."

A burst of giggling from near my car automatically makes me sit up a little straighter and search for the source; three girls are hoisting themselves over and under the barbed wire fence, one of them swearing loudly when her brand-name tee gets caught on the wires. Her friends laugh even harder and elbow her in the sides, not waiting very long for her to catch up.

They look bright - happy. They've even got a blonde of their own, a tall girl with long blonde hair who stands in the middle of two brunettes. Even though they're loud as can be - the shortest brunette shouting something about maggots that reminds me Anko - they seem…peaceful. Like they're in a world set apart from the funeral they're walking past.

Like they're in a world set apart from me.

The blonde notices me, however, as soon as I finish thinking that, and raises a hand in a wave. The shorter brunette glances over and waves too, while the whiner just keeps walking. I princess-wave back at them, trying to place names with their faces…but I can't. I can see now that they attend my school - hell, probably know just why I'm at this cemetery - but although I see them around the hallways pretty often, I don't think we've ever spoken.

"Deidara, I think it's time I should go," I say softly, once the three girls are out of sight over the hill. The rise to my feet isn't as hard as I thought it would be, and for once I move more like a dancer than one of the neighbor's cows.

I don't turn back around to look at the gravestone, just keep walking. Maybe once I walk past that gate and reach my car, I'll have entered a new world all my own as well.

The possibilities are endless - this year, I'm going to be new. This year, I won't forget…but it still won't hurt as badly.

We move on.

* * *

_And here we have the epilogue, which was dreamed up before Konan even met Ibiki._

_There may be a sequel. As for timelines - for anyone who didn't catch it, this epilogue took place exactly a year after Deidara's death._

_(If it exists) The sequel will start after Konan's senior year is finished, at the start of her college days. _

_This chapter also has a minor self-insert; three guesses which of the giggly girls I am. (The situation was just too perfect. Mira, no, you do not get guesses, because you can probably name each and every one of the gigglers. Well, maybe not one of them. But still.)_

_Gah, crocfarm is over. 3 It had to end now. I just -- I need to start something different._

_Just so you know -- _

_1. Konan was originally going to tell Ibiki that she wanted to be a psychologist, but the scene was cut out._

_2. Hidan was displaying signs of clinical depression throughout the fic. __J Mm, survivor guilt._

_3. There were originally more chapters, but they were cut for sanity's sake._

_4. Yes, yes, yes, it could have been better, but I'm still quite proud of it. :D_

_5. I may revise someday. Not today._

_Well, it's been lovely. ;) Thanks especially to BrandNewOrange, Nanaki Lioness, and Mew Hana, who are all the reason my poor inbox is feeling a tad overworked._

_-- conversation hearts._


	19. notorious meaning, author's note!

Hai thar. You may have noticed two things recently: one, that this story is debatably complete and two, that my profile page states I might not have internet until 2012.

Turns out that both of these problems are being alleviated, _kind of_.

I've been planning on doing a rewrite of _crocodile farm_ pretty much since I finished the first version, and although I deleted all of my notes and outlines, I have a damn good memory for what _crocodile farm _was supposed to be.

That said, I didn't expect to be able to actually post a rewrite until I hit college with all of its internet-y perks. However, I have finally motivated myself to get this glorious thing called a driver's license (yes, I'm late on that. STFU. maneuverability is hard shit) and can now travel the twenty miles it takes me to get to free internet on an at least bi-weekly basis.

So. What, dear children, does that mean?

Well, it means that I'm going to be rewriting and reposting _crocodile farm, _starting today.

I won't take down this version until the other one is finished (mostly because I _like_ having a fanfic with this many reviews) and I won't be posting the redux as extra chapters to this fic.

It'll be an entirely new story on my profile page. I only put this author's note here instead of on my profile because I'm well aware that there are people who follow _crocodile farm,_ but don't follow me as an author.

The tentative title is "do your worst and your best," which is shamelessly stolen from Emilie Autumn's song "God Help Me." If a fanfiction with a different name but a suspiciously familiar Akatsuki-high-school motif shows up on my page, well, I've probably just decided to change the title.

The story will not be ridiculously short, like last time. It will not, however, be one of those painful stories that reach 50 chapters and don't show signs of showing. The main plot points of _crocodile farm_ WILL remain, but they WILL be handled differently. I've got me some better ideas this time around. ;)

As for the lesser plot points, well, we'll see. And as for my ridiculously long author's notes, well, it ain't a Conversation Hearts story without mindless, unrelated bitching and squalling. ;) But, well, maybe I can tone them down just a bit. I suppose you don't need to know how I "C" it.

(gleek.)

So. Redux for crocodile farm, up on my profile, updates starting now and ending whenever. c: There won't be a schedule or any other such nonsense, but I will finish the damn thing. Eventually.

OHYEAH. And as for my other two chaptered fics, _a world without danger _and _tricky, _AWWD's fate is up in the air and edging dangerously close to the volcano.

_Tricky_ will be continuing (someday) after I rewrite the last posted chapter. I'm proud of that fic, dammit.

(ohtheshamelessplugging.)

- rhiaradd;;

(pretentious namechange and superfluous punctuation? ohhellyesss!)

(oh, and i'll whine about this in the first chapter as well, but pleasepleaseplease someone volunteer to beta for me? i'll think kind thoughts about you! and…you know. be all grateful and shit. 3)


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